In case you were wondering...

Long time no blog... so, here's the boys right now!

2012-02-01T17:01:00.000-08:00

I realized I haven't blogged in so long. We are expecting our third baby... really our fourth, considering we have one tiny soul in Heaven already... and this pregnancy has been just as rough as the other two! So, I will have to forgive myself for letting it go (and for the few of you who read my blog, forgive me too). So many wonderful things are going on in my little world of raising two boys. As you can see from the pictures above, it really doesn't get much better than this. I am gonna brag... but, I am convinced that I have two of the sweetest (yet, most different) boys ever. They are super affectionate, super thoughtful, and super hilarious. We have been working so hard on discipline, but it has actually been fairly easy because Gabriel is so good.

Instead of spending ALL night long typing, I would like to highlight my little guys and catch you up on them...

Gabriel: His first year of school has gone great. They tell me he speaks like a 6 year old and has great manners, and still holds the record for the only kid in the class with no potty accidents. He only goes one day a week and I miss him terribly when he's gone, but it has been good for his eating and his respect for people in authority other than Patrick and I. His vocabulary is through the roof and his thoughtfulness is much greater than a wise old man. He asks me daily how I am feeling and how the new baby is doing. He always is trying to help Anthony out when he needs just about anything and he remembers to pray for anyone who he promises prayers to. I am daily amazed by him. He is gentle and kind, but super determined and VERY, let me add, VERY independent. Our life goes by in slow motion as he dresses himself, wants to bath himself, puts on his own shoes, climbs into the car, etc, etc. ALL BY HIMSELF! He is beginning to say "yes sir" and "yes ma'am" and "excuse me, Mommy" and I love all of these things that come out of his little mouth. He is LOVING nursery rhymes right now and wants to sing them every moment we are in the car. He also loves to narrate our day and constantly is asking, "What am I doing today?" the moment he wakes up. He's into Spiderman and other super heroes and likes to watch Blues Clues and Tangled. He's great with plots of the story and likes to make up stories too. He prays the Angelus with me before naptime, always reminds us to pray before meals, loves night prayers, and every Sunday after Mass, he religiously visits the Blessed Mother to say a Hail Mary and kiss her feet and then to St. Joseph where you will hear him whisper, "Pray for my future spouse!" I know... he's like a man in a little guy's body. I just adore him. There is so much more... but this is him in a very small nutshell.

Anthony: Ohh, Anthony! My life is crazy funny because of this little dude. I have started to tell people that if you want to know how Anthony walks, just watch Johnny Depp stumble around on the Pirate of the Caribbean. He is so clumsy and so rough... and SO hilarious. You can most often find him giggling a crazy gut giggle just about anywhere... laughing about just about anything. Today for instance, I turned around to find out what he was laughing about and he was STANDING on my coffee table. He has recently been pooping in the tub and thinks it's funny. He LOVES to be outside, whether it's below zero or hot. And he adores animals. I never knew what people meant when they said their children were animal lovers, but I see now, that Gabriel does not care for animals and Anthony would squeeze the heck out of any of them. My poor baby now has a scar on his face that he will carry for the rest of his life from a dog bite... super traumatizing for me, but he is alive and well, with a battle wound to prove that even a dangerous dog is worth a big hug. Anthony loves to be rough and then chase you with kisses and he really loves his mom, but has a special love for his dad that I never saw in Gabriel. Anthony has recently been crying anytime Patrick leaves, which is sad, but I kinda love... because I like that he misses him. Anthony has begun to say lots of words... ball, dog, Mama, DaDa, cookie, snack, no no no no, stop, and a few others... and he now does sign language for please and more, which is so cute... and he can pick out all of his body parts when asked... head, nose, eyes, ears, head, hands, feet, belly button. It's super cute. When it's time for prayers at the table he reminds us by slapping his hands together and waiting and he attempts the sign of the cross which I just love to watch while he has that BIG smile on his face. He is totally my rough and tough little man, but sensitive and sweet all at the same time. He is definitely, without any doubt, going to be my lady's man. Flirt lives on his face and he really does love the ladies. He's got those eyes that just say it all. Anthony in a nutshell.

And me. As of now, I am surviving.. Like most moms at this point in being a mom, life is really joyful and at the same time really hard. Every moment is selfless. There is no time for myself, but lots of time to love and that is always good. I am learning to be more flexible, live in a mess if I need a nap, and I have been OK with things not going as planned. It's all good. I feel so blessed to be here in those giggling moments with them and so blessed to be here to hold them when they are sick or cutting a tooth. I am so glad I am not working anymore. God has been good to allow me to be home. I have so much peace... and feel more than ever that this is where I belong. So, now I pray for grace to get through each day of selfless love. And grace to have a sense of humor in it all. And the grace to not give up on always doing what is best for them... be it discipline, being less controlling or just being present. Being a mom is about being present. I am learning this more than ever. They aren't grading me. They benefit from me striving for holiness... and me being around.

Thank you, Jesus, for mommyhood. Thank you for my boys. And thank you for the husband who so wonderfully helps me raise them.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

2011-12-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

One year ago today we were present at the ordination of my brother in law, now Fr. Edward Bentley. It was an amazing day filled with many graces we are still and will forever reap the benefits from. It was a tough trip and I have to say I am glad to be home this year to sit under a Christmas tree tomorrow morning and eat my mom's famous baked ziti tonight. But, nevertheless, it was a Christmas to remember for all eternity. Congratulations to Fr. Edwards on his one year anniversary as a priest. You have blessed our family in many ways through the sacrifice and grace of your vocation.

And to everyone else, Merry Christmas ... from the Bentley's!

The Christian Life...

2011-11-09T14:16:00.000-08:00

I read this last night when I was praying...

"The more we love others as Christ loved us - serving ingeniously and without looking for recompense, being equally kind with everyone no matter how costly it is to our natural feelings, forgiving quickly and without conditions, always speaking positively and never gossiping, detracting, or destructively criticizing - the more his grace flourishes in our souls. The virtue takes root and grows. Then we begin to experience in our own lives the happiness, peace, and 'joie de vivre' Christ wants for us. That, in turn, attracts others to the Lord. We must invite those around us to follow Jesus more closely, but our words will be hollow if our lives are devoid of grace."
-Fr. John Bartunek, The Better Part

What an outrageous and adventurous challenge to our hearts!! Right? I mean, the biggest challenge. To serve someone else without looking for ANYTHING AT ALL in return? Being EQUALLY kind to everyone? To forgive without ANY conditions attached? To never criticize? We have a lot of work to do. We have a lot of heart to grow. We are reminded daily of our human nature when we fail in pretty much all of these areas... but, the challenge and adventure... is to try not to fail. To love in the incredible way we are called to. And the part we sometimes forget... the incredible reward... the presence of God for all eternity!

It was a tough day today, so I needed a little inspiration. Hopefully it inspired you too. To love is the greatest freedom we have and on hard days it feels good to know I am still left with the power to love.

Halloween 2011: Mickey Mouse & Tigger

2011-11-04T14:25:00.000-07:00

This year Mickey Mouse and Tigger arrived in my home on Halloween. Anthony hated his hood and spent most of the night without it... and if Gabriel wasn't eating, he insisted on having his gloves on! It was a great night. We had a neighborhood party early in the evening and Mia and Ania joined us for our night of Trick or Treating fun...

Brotherly Love...

2011-10-18T20:15:00.000-07:00

They really are inseparable. They follow one another around. Anthony always wants to play what Gabriel is playing, always wants to be laying on him, and always wants to be in the same room. Gabriel has become quite the care taker, announcing to me when Anthony has a poop, when he needs a drink and what kind, and tonight he even saved him from swallowing a toy... I heard him yell, "No, Anthony, you can not put that in your mouth. You will choke. I will get it out." And he did. He dug his finger right into his mouth and yanked out the toy. (he wouldn't have swallowed it... it was too big... but big brother saved the day anyway)!!

I hope to record more of these moments when they are interacting because it really cracks me up on an hourly basis. I love it. I love that they have each other. And I think they are glad too.

Happy 1st Birthday, Anthony

2011-10-12T14:23:00.000-07:00

On his birthday... smiling away for me.

Eating the funniest looking fall cake on his birthday... yeah, it still tasted good.

The two above pictures... one is him stealing Aunt Dana's pretzel and the other is when I asked him to smile with his stolen pretzel! Hilarious. Yes, he does smile on command.

One of those moments he wouldn't stop laughing... to make us laugh. All four of us were busting our cookies laughing at him. I need to post a video of this soon.

Birthday party with the neighbors last night... above.
And below... photo shoot out back...

A Patrick face.
"Hey, Mom!"
His very serious face he gives when he does not want to do something.

Sweetness.
Mischievous.
Oh, so sweet.
Most of the day... he stands. Love those chubby feet.

Profile shot.
Another picture where he is trying to crack us up. Gabriel is thinking... this gets so old.
Cuddle bug. It got rough real fast...
And below... my crazy baby with his big baby blues.

Above is a combination of pictures of my one year old cuddle bug, maniac, hysterical, rough and tough baby boy. When Fr. Baker told me that he was going to pray that Anthony was BIG because he knew he would need to defend himself from Gabriel, his prayers were answered. My big boy turned one on September 23rd. The year has flown, but I think life does with two kids. Anthony has taught us the joy in being flexible because he has never found his schedule. He has taught us the joy in being awake because he is ALWAYS awake. And he has taught us the joy in being reckless with our affection because he will tackle you, munch on you, grab you and lay himself right across you if you give him the chance. He is ALL over you with his LOVE!

He has starting eating lots of fruits and vegetables and will eat at least 3 eggs in the morning. He likes to cruise the furniture and finally right before he turned one he started crawling... this kid has army crawled since forever. I think he will be walking soon and he just broke his 4th tooth yesterday... the 3rd one came on his birthday. He has a super hilarious laugh that he uses specifically to get others to laugh and he will use it until the laughing stops. It's super great. He has started shaking his head no at me when he doesn't want something and he pretends often that he is talking on the phone and tells, "HEYYY." That is the only other word he says besides, "DADA." He adores his brother and wants to go everywhere he does. They are best buddies. Anthony is FINALLY sleeping through the night... it took till he turned one. It has been a long year of crying it out! Lastly, he still loves to swing... he would swing all day if I let him. Love this little man.

Happy Birthday, Ant. Thank you, Jesus for my precious baby boy, Anthony Edward.

Gabriel's First Day of School

2011-09-11T12:27:00.000-07:00

Breakfast with Daddy!

Handsome little dude.

Not a shy bone today for pictures... lots of smiles.

Daddy and Gabriel while watching the trash truck... can't miss it!

In the car... we're almost there. The excitement is boiling over... you can see it on his face.

As his teacher, Ms. Julie, bent down for the picture, Gabriel thought

it appropriate to bend down to. I couldn't get him to stand up straight.

He wanted to lean down like his teacher! Crazy boy.

Anthony throwing a party in the parking lot after we dropped Gabriel off...

"MOMMY IS ALL MINE." (for three short hours) Haha.

After much debate, mostly because I wanted to keep Gabriel all to myself, we decided to send him to one half day of preschool. So happy to have made this decision... he ran into the classroom, yelled, "Bye Mommy," and never looked back. My little social butterfly had the best day ever. He returned home to skip his nap because the excitement was unbearable! My baby boy is growing up. Love it. I think he may start running the classroom soon... they said he is the first 2 year old they have encountered with a vocabulary of a 6 year old... we were pretty proud! And this year Anthony didn't care at all that Gabriel was leaving, but like Jeanne (my sister-in-law) reminded me, next year he will be. Until then, Anthony is throwing a party since he gets me all to himself!

I have fallen in love... with power naps.

2011-09-01T11:52:00.000-07:00

I have discovered a new love... power naps. After severe exhaustion day in and day out from refusing to take even a moments time to rest when the kids would go down for a nap. I would get right to it... cleaning up, dusting, organizing, couponing, searching the ads, making a grocery list, mopping, bathrooms, preparing dinner, making beds, laundry, and the list goes on. It would come time for naps to be over and I would want to crawl into a little hole and sleep for weeks... I couldn't find it in me to finish out my day without being grumpy, short, and totally fried. SO... I did some research...

Studies show that if you can stay within the first two sleep cycles and you do not enter into a deep sleep, in cycle 3, then you can maximize "the benefits of sleep versus time" (Wikipedia). If you do enter into cycle 3 and fail to complete it, you will wake up feeling awful, groggy and pretty out of sorts. So, you wanna shoot for a 15-30 minute nap. Since it takes about 30 seconds for me, but around 3-5 minutes for most people to fall asleep, just set an alarm for 30 minutes after you lay down. The results... AMAZING!! Your body does not reap the benefits of a full nights sleep, but it feels very close to it. It has been found to be as good as a full nights sleep for your memory and helps so much with many other cognitive functions.

My life has changed. I am more energized and able to finish out my day with some "umph" as they say... as long as the boys overlap their naps for at least 15 minutes, I am golden.

Try it. You'll like it. Thank you, Jesus and my husband, for encouraging me to just let it all be a mess for 15 minutes and lay down and SLEEP!

This is a huge accomplishment!

2011-08-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

Our sweet Gabriel was diagnosed with having "textural and sensory" issues with his hands and mouth back in March. Hence the reason he wouldn't walk on grass, touch anything wet or mushy, and why we have so much trouble with him eating fruit, vegetables and anything with much texture at all.

We have been working super hard for the past 6 months on textures. Unfortunately we will be moving to a new therapy for eating because we have not made much progress there, BUT we have totally cured Gabriel of his texture issues with his hands. We work each day on finger painting, playing with shaving cream, running our hands through beans (to find the M&M's), and playing in a sandbox. His fear of these textures is gone! Today I had the winning moment experience of this accomplishment as we played outside and finger painted. He went for about ten minutes without a thought of wiping his hands clean and he actually seemed to have a really good time. Above are the pictures to prove it. I am so proud of him for his hard work, even though he did not want to work time and time again on letting us douse him in paint and shaving cream.

Congratulations to my little man... now, for the eating part. Our Lady of Fatima, pray for us!

(side note: don't let the band aids fool you... he is not hurt... just obsessed with putting band aids all over his body)

Let me tell you about Anthony

2011-08-24T14:01:00.000-07:00

This is the way he is ALL day! Giggles, giggles, giggles...

This is the tired, sweet face I get when he is saying,
"OK, tell Gabriel to stop swimming. It's time for my nap!"

He makes the craziest faces... but, this is one of the most hilarious... he squints his eyes practically on command. We always bust a a gut laughing at this.

Standing. Standing. And more standing. All he wants to do.

His brother listening to directions... he is not happy he has to sit still...
just for a minute for one picture.

Swinging boy! When in doubt, swing him.

Getting into and under everything... happy as can be.

MMM... I could just eat those feet all day long.

This picture was just seconds after the one below it. He reached over, almost fell out of the bumbo, and grabbed Gabriel's foot and ate it... he loves to munch on you. It's weird.

We swore we would only call our children by the full names we had named them, but sweet Anthony is called "Ant," "Chunky Monkey," "godspilla," " the incredible hulk" and all other names that mean BIG! He is only in the 50% in height and weight, according to our last visit to the doctor, but compared to Gabriel he is so huge, so he comes with some names that consider him such. They are now 1/2 lb. apart and I am sure it won't be that way for long.

Anthony has been the sweetest baby boy since the day we brought him home. I have to say that he is quite the perfect child minus one very important thing... sleeping. Anthony has never liked to sleep. Since we brought him home he has loved to wake up in the middle of the night, one, two, or even three times before the sun comes up. We have tried every which way to get him to sleep, listened to all the sleep experts, followed all the rules (don't pick him up), but he has struggled to sleep through the night AND he LOVES to poop in the middle of the night. He is quite confused with that! We have FINALLY within the last month finally accomplished a 7:30-8pm bedtime and he doesn't wake up until at least 5am... sometimes sleeping till 7am. But, my friends, this has been a MAJOR challenge and trial and true test of our patience. Sleep deprivation for parents is no good. He has allowed us to grow in much virtue with this challenge.

After accomplishing sleeping through the night, our sweet boy has begun to come into his own. As soon as he turned 10 months, he broke his first two teeth (bottom in the middle), he began to squirm his way around on the ground, he began to pull up on things, eat more solid foods, and as of 3 days ago, he is crawling and eating small pieces of fruit. I am SO proud.

He turned 11 months yesterday and his personality is breaking through. He giggles about everything. He has a very serious side... and has a Patrick face he puts on when he is focused on the object at hand. He loves to follow Gabriel around. He always wants to be standing. And he can destroy ANY creation in seconds if he manages to get a hold of it. He is now climbing up the stairs with a huge smile on his face and in the morning he is especially talkative. He loves for me to read him books if they have things for him to feel... he tends to giggle the whole way through listening to my voice read the story and do different voices. He loves to cuddle and is still nursing about three times a day... although as busy as he is, I think he will be weaned soon. I love that every time I get him up from his nap, he is standing, pulling the curtains back and looking out the window and I love that if we play outside, he tries as hard as he can to eat all the grass in our front yard. He loves to crawl on top of you (mostly Gabriel) and clobber him and eat him. It's hilarious! And I swing him almost every day and I am not sure he loves anything more!

The other morning I was laying in bed with him at a very early hour and he was playing while I was trying to pray. He crawled up in my lap and I looked into his sweet eyes and said, "I love you. Can you say "I love Mommy?'" He looked me right back in the eyes, smiled and said, "DA DA!" It was a good try on my part, but he likes to say Da Da about 10 times more than "Ma Ma," which I have only heard a handful of times.

Anthony has a super sweet disposition just like Gabriel and will flirt with anyone close by. But, he also has the will power and stubborness of a bull... hmmm.. wonder where that is from... and will stop at nothing to do what he wants to do. I am so proud of this bundle of joy, my sweet Anthony. I pray he grows chubbier and stronger. I pray he continues to eat well so Gabriel will learn from him. I pray he continues to get good nights of rest so he is happy and healthy. And I pray he learns to love Jesus. I am such a proud mother. I really never knew that my little boys could bring me so much joy and fulfillment in my vocation and wife and mommy. Thank you, Lord, for my sweet baby boys.

Teaching Our Children

2011-08-09T13:45:00.001-07:00

Our almost monthly trip to Chick-fil-A made me so happy the other day... not just because of the #1, well done on a wheat bun, plus waffle fries... but because as we sat down to eat, my two year old, Gabriel, was the one to remind me to say a blessing and when I responded with, "OK, let's pray," he immediately pulled off his Vanderbilt baseball cap, folded his hands and bowed his head. I thank his daddy for this one. It was just one sign to me of the grace that God provides through our perseverance in teaching our children to pray, to obey, and to love.

I am realizing more and more each day how much power lies in the hands of parents. And by the grace of God we have been given this wonderful opportunity to raise souls to go out into the world to preach the gospel. And at an age as young as my children I am realizing that this is done best by teaching good habits in the home and on the road. It requires quite an active role on our part, lots of patience and discipline and a heart open to God's love to do the rest of the work that we only just begin.

While teaching him to pray... I have LOVED teaching Gabriel to pray. It has been on of my greatest joys to do and to see the fruits. We pray before meals, we pray for others, we pray the Angelus before nap time together, we pray the rosary and we always pray night prayers before bed. We have started to allow the night prayers to be more and more spontaneous after our Hail Mary and Angel of God. We start with "God bless..." and then we allow Gabriel to fill in the blanks. He can pray for anyone he would like. He has prayed for everyone from his grandparents to Buzz Lightyear (who I thought kinda weird at first, but then realized that in his little world, Buzz is a person and deserves prayers, for whatever he may need)! After blessing the family, friends, people who have died, etc. we then allow Gabriel to speak to Jesus. We start with "Dear Jesus..." and allow him to speak to Christ like he would to us. We started by prompting these conversations with suggestions and now, he just rolls with it. We have heard everything from, "I swam in the pool like this today, Jesus," (followed by a demonstration) to "Dear Jesus, today I.. I... I bwoke your head off and I am SO sorry. I wuv you." We have hoped to create in him a love for Jesus as a friend and so far I think it is working.

It has been our goal to follow the words I heard a Nashville Dominican say,"You don't want them to 'practice' their Catholic faith. You want them to BE Catholic." So, not only is prayer a part of the faith, but also the sacramental life, the saints, and a life of charity (LOVE). So, we explain to him during the Mass what is happening, we visit the Blessed Mother and St. Joseph after Mass every Sunday... or else, and we are striving to teach him in a day to day manner the way of love, ultimately, the way to Jesus.

How to teach love? Hmmm... such a toughy. I am no expert, hence the reason I went to Confession last night, but I could say almost definitely that learning by example is the primary way. This is one of the reasons we have made every sacrifice to be stay at home parents and now, me as a stay at home mom. This is the hardest choice because we don't get to drop off the poop diapers every day, but we know it's the best one because it gives us full opportunity to use every chance to teach love... unfortunately, the weight is heavy on the way we love. Our example is primary in this. This has formed a life of greater virtue in us... also why staying at home is tougher... forming virtue in yourself is super duper hard.

SO, to teach it, we live it. Some examples... looking people in the eye when they speak to us, speaking to all of the people we pass by at the grocery store and asking them how their day is, explaining who is in charge, teaching them how to clean up after themselves, teaching them how to help, even with the very simplest things, like helping me start the dishwasher, and teaching them manners. I have found that Gabriel repeats everything I say, so when I hand him something, I say, "Thank you so much, Mommy," and he would repeat it. I almost never have to remind him to say it anymore and he actually reminds me to say thank you. After receiving a gift the other day in the mail, the first words out of his mouth were, "We have to call her and say thank you." (melt my heart). God's grace is working. Now, we have to keep up the perseverance.

Discipline. I have not perfected this. Being a woman I am emotional about things, so Patrick has taught me a lot about following through with consequences (which mostly exists of our time-out chair). But, being a teacher, I learned very quickly that the students who loved me most were the ones I set boundaries for when they pushed harder and harder. I have seen what great respect young people have for those in authority who give them freedom to be creative, make good choices, but at the same time set boundaries... I hope and pray I can do this better and better every day for Gabriel and Anthony. I hope I am never that parent who gives in and after trying so many times, just lets them do what they want. I hope I always persevere to the end so I may teach them how much I care about the people I hope for them to be.

Lastly, I have realized more than ever that teaching our children to love has mostly to do with the way Patrick and I treat one another. If we are tense about something, having a heated debate or otherwise just being grumpy, the kids sense it, they act out and they think that this could be acceptable behavior. We gotta be on all the time, people. It is so hard.

Overall, I just felt impelled to share this wealth of knowledge that I have learned mostly from other amazing parents, including my own and Patrick's, and all the young Nashville parents who are fighting this good fight in their Christian homes. Raising children is hard. There is no fluff attached. Yet, I see God's grace working through our meager, yet heart filled efforts to form little soldiers for Christ. Thank you, Jesus, for this opportunity. Mary, wrap your mantle around the homes of the families of the world and pray for us, especially us mothers.

Love Multiplies

2011-07-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

I remember so clearly that last summer at this time I was in a crazy panic because soon I would be having another baby. Gabriel took up all my time and left me no time for anything else. I was exhausted and could not even begin to comprehend how I would stretch myself to love one more person. Since I was induced with Anthony and knew when I would be leaving Gabriel behind to welcome another soul into the world, I think I rocked Gabriel that night longer than I ever had. He fell asleep in my arms and after laying him in his crib I sat next to it and cried, scared at what the future held. I prayed that God would give me the grace to multiply my love much like His love can do for all of us. When Anthony arrived, it was so. I was still able to spend time with both of them. They continued to tag team me with naps, be occupied when the other needed something, and almost instantly fell in love with one another. It was so beautiful.

As I was walking them home yesterday from the pool in our totally awesome double stroller, Gabriel was chanting, "Chunky Monkey" over and over while Anthony kept busting out laughing with this amazing giggle. I realized in that moment, that not only did God give me the grace to continue to love Gabriel just as much, but now Gabriel has a brother who adores him, loves him, and gives him his full attention as well. He was blessed with his sibling. It's an amazing gift and grace to have a sibling.

I was asked again today how many children I want. I am always so stuck with the answer to that. If I told you how many I want, you may think I am a crazy person. But, God may never give me any more either. Each moment in God's will is so different. His will for me one day, one week, one month, or in one certain year may be totally different than the next. I honestly can never see myself saying, "Alright, that's it. I don't want anymore." (That's the beauty NFP has given my heart as well). There is an openness to allow God's love to act and it's so freeing. So, I am not sure, still, how many children I want. I just know I desire them. And I especially desire them in those moments of grace when God shows me what a gift my children are, not only to me, but to one another. It is impossible for the love to remain the same. It multiplies over and over again. I just love it.

Beloved

2011-06-22T21:15:00.001-07:00

I was reminded today of the love of God for me. I am His beloved. He sacrificed himself for me. This is where I have found peace today... in being his beloved. In being loved. And the amazing thing is that all He asks of me in return is love. "What greater joy than to suffer for love?" a saint once asked. I am reminded today that He asks for our lives to be an offering of love to Him. This is in return for Him pouring Himself out to us to that "even the worst crime we have committed would be like a drop of water thrown into a roaring furnace." That is His love. Speak with Him. And get to know this love. He said once to a holy soul, "Not one soul will reach hell without first tearing himself out of my arms." The love of God for us is intense, passionate, jealous, and true. Find Him in His mercy. Find Him in Confession, where nothing is too big for His love to forgive. Place your complete confidence in His undying affection for you. He will not disappoint. Pray to Him and ask Him what you need in such a way that you believe it has already been done. Seek Him. And find His love. And your life will be an adventure. Where do we place our trust? In our job? In our material possessions? In our reputation? In the car we drive? In the friends we have? In our degree? Throw yourself into your vocation... where you will suffer for the sake of love and there He will be to carry you and to love you. This is where you will find your joy. Be loved by God and accept His mercy. He could find no greater way to tell us that he loved us, so He died for us. How shall we bow down with a grateful heart to thank Him? He wants us to accept His love and His mercy and to place all of our confidence and trust in Him alone. I think of how much I love my children and then I remember that He loves me more. Be loved today. Allow Him to find you in your weakness and love you. And there you will find your joy.

Prayers

2011-06-05T10:44:00.001-07:00

As we grow older the evidence of suffering in the world becomes more and more real. I loved being in the bubble of young age, where I heard over dinner that a friend of my parents' from high school had passed away or someone was sick with cancer. It barely affected me, although I prayed for these people in my night prayers. The affect of sin and suffering becomes more and more real with age. You are more engrossed of the day to day tragedies, sickness and sadness of close friends, family and neighbors. Lately, I have been praying a lot.

About a month ago my neighbor, Robin, lost her husband, Steve in an unexpected illness. I do not know all the details because it is still too early to ask detailed questions, but after rushing him to the hospital with some bad leg pain, he died two days later. He left a son, Charlie, 9 months old behind to be raised by Robin all alone. My heart was torn to pieces and I sat at the funeral and listened to hid friends speak of the tragedy that had occurred. I spent yesterday at the pool with Robin and Steve's parents because we just happened to be there at the same time. My heart grew in a great appreciation that my husband is here, is supportive, is healthy and able to be with me. I tried to speak with them without crying and grew in strength by watching theirs. Please pray for my friend, Robin, her son, Charlie and Steve's parents.

One of my best friends in the whole world, Lauren Marie Love, just arrived home from Spain for a short time to be with her mom. Her mom has survived cancer once before and now it's back. I just spoke with Love and she is sitting in the hospital with her mom waiting some more results from one of the many tests run. Her mom is undergoing radiation and chemotherapy right now and fighting this cancer with a faith I am not sure I have seen among any one else who has suffered like this. She has a deep and enduring love for Christ through her suffering and it brings light into many lives by watching her steadiness through all of this. Please pray for Love's mom, Doris, that she be healed from this and that her family would be given the strength they need at this time while they watch her suffer.

Lastly, I have a close friend considering divorce. My heart has been carrying a deep sadness for the young children that may suffer this. It has been found that children who suffer a divorce experience more psychological problems, depression and insecurities than children who have a parent who dies. Children are more likely to become sick, have grades drop, and grow in aggression towards family and friends. Divorce is only lawful... what God joins no man can separate. I ache for these young kids. I have been up countless nights praying and thinking... and angry and so incredibly sad for these kids who will have a lifetime to suffer. Divorce never goes away. Once they are married, they will have to spend time with three separate families for holidays. They will have to split time with grandkids, take sides, and watch as the one example they had to teach them to love falls apart. The list goes on and the real effects are something we will never know... we do know they are extreme and grave. Please pray for this family.

God's grace and plan is bigger than ours. We have to remember this. He can take any evil and create good. We rely and trust in Him through it all.

"Stay at Home Mom" At Last

2011-06-01T13:59:00.000-07:00

I am so tired. More tired than I was after staying up all night to write one of my million essays or papers in my college years. More tired than I was after an 8 month long preparation for a dance concert... dancing every night for 4-5 hours, 6 days a week. More tired than I was after the emotional stress of moving to a new city away from family, starting a new job, getting married, and having no friends there... And definitely more tired than teaching in a classroom where 5 special needs students were placed without my knowledge and then trying to teach them along with the other 15 gifted kids and being totally not trained to do so. All of those things almost killed me, but nothing has been as exhausting as being a mother. It has been true self giving all the time. And now, it's here to stay.

I am tired. But, Gabriel, I am so filled with joy that today I got to run up the stairs to find you once again with pee all over you after a night's long sleep and a big smile on your face. And that while I rushed around to get ready this morning, I am so happy that you sat on the couch and yelled to me, "I love you forever" as I ran by and you watched Toy Story for the thousandth time. Anthony, I am so tired, but so happy that you decided to grow teeth this week and I get to watch them come in. I am glad you didn't take a long nap, so I could give you tylonel and rock you back to sleep while you slowly closed your eyes and smiled at me. Boys, I am so glad for the time we spent yesterday outside, swinging and running through the sprinkler. Soon enough you will not want me to rock you anymore or play with you anymore... for now, I am yours, totus tuus. Thank you for letting me read to both of you today and feed both of you today and dress both of you, and change at least 2 poops each already(!).... and through it allowing me to become more selfless... the plan I make each night before I go to bed never seems to happen because of your beautiful smiling faces! Thank you for teaching me to be flexible and to never get to have things just so, as I want them. I am so tired, but I am so blessed. Being at home for me is so much harder than any day at work. It's the constant needing of me. It's the constant call for me to seek virtue, because if I don't, then you won't know how. It's the constant reminder of Christ's pouring out for me. I hope and pray I am becoming more like him and less like me, in all my pride and impatience and stubborness and procrastination. I am learning more than ever how to use my time wisely, how to be joyful in moments that I just don't want to, and how to be patient when I am holding a 20 lb chubby guy and Gabriel wants to walk up the steps "by myself." My muscles are larger and my heart is bigger. God, you sure know what you are doing. So, cheers, to being at home... at last... with the boys I love. I am reminded now of everything I was missing and wouldn't trade it for anything. My sweet sanctification is finally full time!

Our Sweet Anthony

2011-05-28T20:05:00.001-07:00

8 months old. Anthony is full of sweetness and laughter and he is so stinkin' tough. I love those baby blues. He has the best belly laugh, he loves to eat, and he adores his big brother. He can't crawl yet, but he is doing well sitting up on his own and he can roll clear across any room and rotate in a full circle with the pull of his arms and the kicking of his little feet. He loves the johnny jump up and would be totally satisfied being outside all day long. He sleeps a lot in his swing outside! He is finally sleeping through the night after his parents forced him into crying it out a few weeks back. He cried for one hour for one night and has slept through ever since (minus a few times he woke up just to poop around 3am!) He is most often heard called the chunky monkey, brute or fatty (hopefully he won't have a complex because of those names). Anthony is seriously filled with so much joy. He makes me better because he is always challenging me to be happy, he makes me stronger because he is so heavy and he makes me thank God every day that he arrived just in time to be best friends with Gabriel. I am so glad that they have one another... having our kids close together was the best idea God has ever had (for little us)! You can just look at the pictures above for a glimpse of our sweet Anthony in all his glory! Man, do we love this little guy.

All shall be well...

2011-05-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

He responds, "Finer than a frog's hair" when asked, "How are you?" And I have heard more times than I can count, "Well, it's better than being poked in the eye with a sharp stick!"... usually in response to the donations that come in the mail! And it's also not too unusual to hear him say something like, "Be at peace" when trying to reassure any of his Vandy Catholic souls that God is in control. He is a family man in that he has a deep love for his father and his sister and he is a family man in that he has a crazy love for his Bride the Church and the souls that God has entrusted to his care; his children. He would not be caught dead drinking milkshakes or eating cheese and he has a year supply of soy milk in the fridge thanks to Frances. He always has somewhere around 634 e-mails unread (at least he did today) and he tends to lack in that area we call sleep... he doesn't do too much of that... and I have never known anyone to have a more packed schedule than him. These are only a few small details that begin to characterize my boss, Fr. John Sims Baker.

He had a reputation with me long before I met him... first, just hearing through the grapevine while I was in Atlanta that there was this new super orthodox priest at Vanderbilt, and then while I worked at St. Pius X, Mr. John Saenz sang his praises all day long. I had wondered who this holy priest was. After hearing that he was looking for an assistant and being totally fried after teaching for 3 years, I passed along the word I was interested and he called me... or maybe I called him... I can't remember. All I know is that the conversation ended something like... "No, you don't need to interview. If you want the job you can have it. I need someone to keep me in line and you seem pretty spunky like my sister, so I think you'll do great!" It wasn't long before Vanderbilt Catholic became my new home and love.

Fr. Baker helped Patrick and I through the miscarriage of our first baby, he courageously put up with the deathly morning sickness I had with Gabriel, he brought us the Eucharist while I was in labor, he baptized our first baby, and got through a 2nd pregnancy, baby and maternity leave... all the while being patient and supportive. When he made his vow of celibacy I am not sure that he ever expected to have had so much experience with all this baby stuff!

I will so miss my job. I will not miss the database, the people from Hillmont at meal time or leaving my sweet boys at home while I go to work, but I will surely miss the hustle and bustle of the Frassati House around 4pm on any given day, the number of people I watch walk into the chapel to pray, the number of souls I watch walk into his office for Confession, and the times I see how the sacramental life at Vanderbilt... thanks to Fr. Baker... introduce Jesus Christ to more souls every day. Jesus was right next to my office every day I worked. It was such a gift. I am so grateful for it.

I have been so blessed to be on the inside of this operation. It is truly a gift God has given me for my life... to have worked so closely with such a faithful, holy priest. Thank you, Fr. Baker, first for your fidelity. I have learned to love better and bigger in my marriage after watching how you love your Bride, the Church. Thank you for being a father to me... for always being concerned about me, my family, my spiritual well being, for hearing my Confession any time I asked (even though you are always so busy) and for teaching me with your life the necessity of Christ in mine. Thank you for being an example to my husband and for loving my children.

Forgive me... for never being on time, for stuffing the desk drawers with oreos when I was pregnant, and for double booking you a few times. Yikes.

Thank you for allowing me to serve in this mission with Vanderbilt Catholic to bring Jesus to more souls. After fighting the fact that it was God's will for me to work part time even after having two babies, I have surely now fought the fact that it's God's will for me leave. I promise to visit. I promise to answer my phone if you forget where I keep something, but most of all I promise to pray for you and your vocation as a priest. Thank you for the gift of your priesthood. I have to say that, after spending the past 3 years with you and watching the joy that comes with your vocation, I would be the proudest mommy ever to have a son who was a priest. God Bless you! Pray for me. I'm gonna need it. And always remember that all shall be well...

My Little Peanut, Patrick's Little Buddy: 2 Years Old!

2011-05-09T13:38:00.000-07:00

The joy that this kid exudes is totally and incredibly contagious! My life has been changed. These past two years have flown by... two years ago on Mother's Day, my little peanut entered my world and it was never again the same. He contains a brilliance beyond his 2 years and has an impeccable memory and a love for learning about everything all the time. He has managed to memorize most of the books we have read him and he knows about 10 saints by heart... hope to get that on video soon... one crazy example is if you say, "Blessed Kateri..." he responds with, "TekA wifa!" He gets that from his dad. He also loves to be the center of attention and is the life of the party... from his dad too. On the other hand, he has the biggest heart in the world. He is concerned for everyone's well being, he apologizes if he runs into you and he would respond with "Nice to meet you" if you had just met him. He has a love for Jesus, Mary and most importantly, St. Joseph. It is his request weekly at Mass to go visit "Jofus afta da blessing, Mommy." He loves him. Gabriel is super stubborn and determined and only likes to do things if its his idea... that may be from me, yikes, but I think I have passed on some of the big heart part of him too.

He has lately started reminding us to say a blessing at dinner, where he will bless himself and keep his hands folded while we pray. He has started to kneel at Mass when we do. And he prays evening prayers before bed, which involves the Hail Mary, Guardian Angel and then a long list of "God Bless..." and he fills in the blank usually with, "Buzz Lightyear, Mom Mom Pop Pop and Unlce Eddie, along with most of the other family members.

He LOVES Toy Story, especially Woody and Buzz. He loves Elmo. He loves slippers and pajamas and loves bath time. He has begun to play outside more which I love and he likes running in the sprinkler. He talks on the phone. He likes to color and draw. And we have lately begun to do play doh and build blocks.

We have had so much trouble getting him to eat and have recently began occupational therapy, where we have seen so much improvement already. The little man is just too busy to eat and is super picky. They have said that he has textural issues with his hands and mouth so we are working super hard on breaking him of these issues and it has been quite an uphill battle. For just about any meal, he will agree to eat chocolate. But being the good parents we are, we try for real food... he will eat chicken (if fried), french fries, grilled cheese, quessadillas, peanut butter on a bagel and he just ate noodles with spaghetti sauce for the first time ever last week. He will seriously eat chocolate chips anytime, anywhere in any amount... his name for chocolate is "happy" thanks to his mom.

He LOVES his brother. He has been the most caring, affectionate brother I have ever met. He always tells me, "Bring Anthony" when we are preparing to leave... like I was gonna leave him, but so sweet. And he is constantly kissing him bringing him toys and trying so hard to make him laugh. I love it more than anything and could not be happier to have had them so close together. I have realized that one of my greatest gifts to Gabriel will be Anthony.

He does some pretty hilarious things. The other day I put him in his crib for his nap... he sang up there for about an hour... when I went to get him up a few hours later... he was snoring SO loud and when I looked in his crib all I could see were his bare little butt cheeks and his toy story slippers... he had taken all of his clothes off. I could not stop laughing!!

He has started to have to sit in time out... right now this is working wonders... he understands, he cries and then we have not seen him repeat his offenses. We will pray this remains the case.

He is always giggling and always dancing. He loves hide and seek and loves to tickle you. He has been a true pride and joy and I can not thank Jesus enough for this gift of Gabriel Patrick. Oh, the craziest pregnancy and the days I begged God to keep him after previously having a miscarriage. God is so good. Lord, he is yours. Thank you for sharing him with me. Being a mom has been my greatest joy. Happy 2nd Birthday, my little peanut.

Memorable Moments with Our Uncle Fr. Eddie

2011-05-05T23:12:00.000-07:00

Anthony Edward was baptized... Fr. Edward's first sacrament. And even with the little man who was named after him!

Our recent trip to Atlanta when Fr. Edward baptized his third baby! Anthony, Claire and Luke have have all become Christians in the past 6 months! Gabriel did not miss the opportunity to pose for the camera.

Gabriel and Eddie were having a very serious conversation on the swing... can you tell?

Celebrating Mass in the Bentley's home for the first time.

Our very first blessing from Fr. Edward... a very emotional moment. Not a dry eye in the house.

Fr. Edward's first Mass. The consecration. What amazing graces!

Our second first blessing after the first Mass.

The Blessing of a Priest in the Family

2011-04-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

It was pretty cool when two weeks ago on Friday evening, we were together with all the Bentley's and right there in their living room Uncle Fr. Eddie celebrated Mass! How cool to have a priest in the family. When having small children I have found it super difficult to get to daily Mass... just hauling Anthony in his car seat in and out of the Church and keeping track of two little ones (and keeping them quiet) becomes quite a challenge. On this day the ultimate situation occurred... Anthony was taking a nap and Gabriel was in the next room, playing quietly (while I hoped he was still getting the graces from the Mass next store). It was pretty cool. Right there... no car seats hauled, no crying, tired babies... I just had to walk into the next room. What a blessing to find Jesus so close that night!
I have found that having a priest in the family has given us so much pride... the good kind, though. I remember going to the beach last summer while one night we played a game. Each person picked a really serious or really uncomfortable (hilarious) question out of the box and you had to answer. When we were asked what are you most proud of, my husband, Patrick answered, "That my brother is going to be a priest." It is so true. As a family it is a huge grace and we are so proud.
On Dec. 21st, 2010 Patrick and I took Gabriel and Anthony thousands of miles to Rome, Italy to be there for Eddie's ordination. It was the most unbearable experience of my life, traveling with two small children and a time change... I know that I can do anything now that I have that venture under my belt. I made the incredibly generous mistake of asking for anyone and everyone's special intentions before we left (just kidding)! And I was so honored to receive so many prayers to take with me... I think I had plenty to suffer for everyone, I hope. Only Jesus knows, but my heart was in it.
The ordination was Christmas Eve, Dec. 24th, 2010 and was in the morning at St. Paul Outside the Walls. It was a beautiful basilica where 60 priests were ordained that day. Gabriel had slept a total of one and a half hours the night before, so I spent the 3 hours following his manic little person around while trying to catch a glimpse of everything on the big screen. It was quite amazing that I did not miss one thing... I managed to see Eddie get his head and hands anointed, I saw him when they placed his vestments on him, and I even saw him receive his chalice and paten. It was truly amazing. Gabriel later, when asked what did Uncle Eddie do today, responded with "ord... nation... head, hands, new clothes." He was listening to me during the Mass!

I realized the next day when Eddie celebrated his first Mass what had really happened the previous day. As Fr. Edward Bentley, LC, processed into the chapel as a new priest celebrating his first ever Mass, we all totally lost it. We were basically sobbing. And Eddie cried most of the Mass too. My favorite part was the homily. Through the tears, Eddie explained (I'm not going to do it justice), but he explained how Christmas was the perfect time to begin his vocation as a priest and celebrate his first Mass... this is because Christmas is the time when God revealed to us how much He really loved us and how badly he wanted to be close to us. He loved us so much that he became a man... the Incarnation... and this is appropriate because Eddie said this has always been at the heart of his vocation. One of the reasons he wanted to become a priest was so he could be close to God. It was really so incredibly beautiful. I will remember his first Mass forever.
So, two Fridays ago... not the same as the first Mass, but I could still see that he was on his honeymoon. His eyes lit up and he celebrated the Mass with such fervor and reverence. I just love having a priest in the family. Thank you, Jesus, for giving Patrick's brother, Eddie, the grace to say yes to your call. We pray today on Good Friday for vocations... so more men may follow your call, so we may come to know of this great Paschal Mystery.

Celebrating One of Our Feasts!

2011-03-17T20:52:00.000-07:00

Ever since I can remember we have celebrated St. Patrick's Day. I actually have always loved how my grandmother would fill her house with Irish decor even throughout the year to honor our Irish heritage. She even has a Santa Claus with clovers all over him. Whether it's the shamrocks in my mom's house, the constant buying of green attire throughout the year to prepare for the occasion or the green die my Aunt Dana puts in the potty's (we all know that leprechauns pee green on the eve of St. Patrick's Day, right?), it has always been a day to celebrate in the Church year and because we're Irish, of course. Hence the middle name Quinn for my mom's maiden name, QUINLAN.
A few months before I met Patrick, my amazing husband, I was going through a particularly tough time... the toughest... and one day I received a package in the mail up at college from my grandmother. It was a huge statue of St. Patrick. No offense, but she could sometimes barely keep track of my phone number, so for her to get a handle on my address was fairly impressive. I knew he had made it to me for a reason. So, I began to pray to St. Patrick for God's will in my life. About a month later, Patrick showed up. So, he has been very good to me. So good that my first born's middle name is Patrick too!
This year we didn't hesitate to make the drive for the annual St. Patrick's Day party that my parents throw with the Hogans. We always have such a blast. A hall, a dj, green beer. Doesn't get much better. Too bad this year they didn't play an Irish jog so Patrick could do the River Dance... one of my favorite moments of all time.
Today while working I received the beautiful picture of my boys decked out in their green... so sweet. And Patrick courageously attempted our first Jigs Dinner... corned beef and cabbage, carrots and onions, potatoes, rye bread, and (brownies... not Irish). I am so excited to have started this tradition. We even ate on our china; something we promised to do for our family's feast days.
I was told that if I could add one tradition a year to my repertoire as a Catholic Mother that I am rockin'. So, one down! Gotta love the Church.

Toilet Paper Love

2011-02-26T05:28:00.000-08:00

It has recently occurred to me that God has granted me a very special privilege. It's not very glamorous or even worthy of mentioning to my friends, so I thought I would write about it. He has granted me the opportunity to practice my love for Him on a daily basis through the experience of changing the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom. I say "the" bathroom," but what I mean by that is "every bathroom I come in contact with during the day, because it never fails that anytime and anywhere I go to the bathroom anytime and anywhere, it always just happens to be time to change the roll of toilet paper." It has always just run out before I come. This process began years ago and I became very bitter at the fact that I was ALWAYS restocking the toilet paper in every bathroom I went into. And then when I was pregnant it seemed that my experience grew to an even greater knowledge of bathrooms because as everyone knows, pregnant women pee all the time. After touring the town and then the world and replacing roll after roll of toilet paper, I discovered a few things...

First thing, that is not so useful for my soul, but kinda fun... they have some pretty cool places to stash toilet paper before it is used. In Italy in the seminaries they have a special cabinet and in Rome's hotel rooms there a small hook much like one you would hang your jacket on and the rolls hang on there until you need them. Sometimes I am hesitant to not use the rolls I find... found on the floor in the stall next to me (good thing I carry tissues) and other times in restaurants and such there are elaborate cabinets. In the Frassati House where I work it's pretty simple since there is a shelf next to the potty where they are all packaged nicely and I can get to them easily and at my parents house you tend to find it on top of the toilet which makes life easier. Rest stops, Chick-fil-A, grocery stores, department stores, other people's homes... the different cool places you find their "replacement rolls" has been eye opening. ;)

I have also found that certain brands of tp totally hate for you to open their packages... at least that is how it seems after countless minutes of using the small muscles I have to get in. Not nice. Especially because you usually try to open them before going potty. Who wants to search for and open rolls after going potty? Ha.

So there you have it. One of my secret jobs God has granted me is "Toilet Paper Replacer." It's very noble and no one ever thanks me... but in a weird, but simple way, it has helped me to love more.

The second thing I have discovered. As a wife and mother, we all know that our job is so monotonous. I could set world records for the times I have loaded and unloaded the dishwasher. Sometimes I wonder when my pots will fall apart if I wash them just one more time. And the amount of diapers I go through in a day just may reach the diaper hall of fame (until I think of some of my friends with more than 2 kids in diapers... and then I think... nah, maybe I would lose). Either way, these jobs come up every day and if you miss just one day, your house will fall apart. Three meals a day for all of us. Loads and loads of laundry (especially when you have sick kids), and the dusting, vacuuming and straightening up could sometimes be enough to make you pull your hair out. BUT, this is God's will for me. This is part of the kinda boring stuff that goes along with the totally amazing stuff... creating a cozy home and raising the precious souls He gave to me... and hoping and praying to make one man the happiest man in the world (Patrick Bentley!)

So, the point is... my job with toilet paper has grown on me, making me less and less bitter at the monotonous jobs in my life, making me less and less concerned about not getting a thank you after every meal I try to feed Gabriel and every diaper I change and every piece of furniture I dust and every meal I cook and every trip the grocery store where I haul to small children in and out of the car twice just to get 8 things. It has been an experience with toilet paper I never knew would leave me to love a little bigger. God has stretched me with this small hidden task I have (seriously, on a daily basis). So, next time you go potty in a bathroom, whether it's your own or somewhere else, and you see a brand new chunky roll of toilet paper waiting for you, you can thank Jesus for the generous heart He just gave to the person who refilled it for you! They surely didn't do it because they wanted to. God's grace can move us to all kinds of crazy simple love.

Thank you, Jesus, for every time you have given me the unique (very unique) opportunity to replace the toilet paper roll... all over the world.

The Happiest Kid I Know

2011-02-20T06:34:00.000-08:00

My sweet second baby boy, Anthony. I have done him a bit of injustice because I probably posted about Gabriel every other day and this kid hasn't had but one entry to himself since he was born. A small update: He is 3 lbs lighter than Gabriel (my almost 2 year old), he is turning over both ways, from his back to belly first and then just two days ago he started going from his belly to back... he did it backwards. He is getting his two front bottom teeth and hasn't complained for one second. He loves to grunt and he SMILES all day LONG! He has been a joy because I love having some chubbiness to hold on to and some huge cheeks to eat. Yummy. He giggles at just about anything. All you have to do is look at him and he busts out with a little giggle. He is taking two naps a day, one in the morning around 10am and another around 3pm when Gabriel is waking up from his nap. The boys tag team naps, so I rarely have a break, but I do get to spend quite a bit of "alone time" with each of them. God answered my prayer when I asked to have enough time for them individually. He is super laid back and chills anywhere we go. He is a great nurser and loves to cuddle. He is lately enjoying the johnny jump up so much and we discovered last night that he cracks up at the video, "Baby Signing Time." He spends most of his days making sure Gabriel doesn't lay on him to hard when he hugs him... and rolling around on the ground. He's the best baby ever. He is sleeping from about 9pm-5am and then going back to sleep till 8:30am when Gabriel gets up. It's great. I generally call him "Bubby, " "Fatty," or "Chunky Monkey" which are all super appropriate! He is the happiest kid I know!

Sweet Detachment

2011-02-17T20:27:00.000-08:00

This evening I watched my sweet two door honda civic with spoiler and sunroof drive away for the last time. We sold it. Ahh, the sweetness in letting go and ahh, the sweetness in being filled up. When my dad bought me that car I was a college sophomore and after many weeks of him asking me if I really wanted a 4 door Ford Focus, my mom convinced him that the 2 door civic was way cooler. Besides, who needs 4 doors, when it's just me climbing in and out?!

I am now no longer alone. Thanks to my Jesus. He has gifted me with an amazing husband and two incredible baby boys. So now, 4 doors would be more suitable. This only means that my life is more full. I reflected tonight as it drove away because it really was another sign of my detachment as mother. It's amazing how that totally amazing car that I adored just didn't add up anymore when I turned around and saw my two smiling boys.

Jesus, thank you for continuing to take away, so I may have more room in my heart to love people and not things. This happens so often. The car is just a tiny example of how he strips us of our worldliness and carries us closer to the heart of our vocation. It was my awesome job, it was my flat belly, it was my freedom to travel without hauling carseats, it was feeding myself before anyone else... it was my 2 door sweet ride... all for you, Jesus. Make my heart bigger, so I can love bigger.

And Daisy, my Honda, it's been real.

The Genius of Women

2011-02-14T13:33:00.001-08:00

Last week I was invited to speak at an event sponsored by Vanderbilt Catholic called "The Genius of Women" in honor of the beautiful letter written by John Paul II. I spoke to a secular audience and was asked to reflect on motherhood and fertility through the lens of my miscarriage, hence, a pro-life approach but without mentioning much about my faith life and I only had 3 minutes to do it... The talk took me days to write with such restrictions.... I thought I would share...

It was June 27th, 2008. I had passed out in my OB’s office due to the intense pain I was experiencing and I was rushed to the hospital for some pain killers to help me physically cope. Once I was aware enough, they rolled me into the ultrasound room. Although technically she couldn’t officially say, I bribed the ultrasound tech with my teary eyes and after a while she confirmed for me that there was indeed no heartbeat found on her screen. The sorrow in that moment was pretty overwhelming. I knew something was terribly wrong, but to hear it was heartbreaking. After all, like any other mother who was 7 weeks pregnant I had already imagined his face, what I would teach him, the kisses I would cover his cheeks with and who he would grow to be. It was a sorrow that I will carry with me forever. Being pregnant I started to learn to love as a mother. After losing my physical motherhood I realized that my ability and responsibility to love as a mother doesn’t just extend to my children but to everyone I encounter. As a woman I was given special gifts. I still had a dignity and value to the world.

I realized that the unique gifts I had been given could still bring a great vibrancy and life to those around me. I could bear fruit in my relationships with friends, co-workers, my students, my husband and my family. I was created with a heart to give and a heart to love. I was able to listen intently to a friend who was suffering. I was easily able to offer affection to those who needed a good squeeze on any given day. I was able to be attentive to details that others may overlook. I could be consoling without being asked to. I could cook a meal for someone who was sick. I could fix things that others didn’t know were broken. My motherhood was a gift to others. I was designed this way and it filled me up. As a women I realized this beautiful tendency to love was not out of duty but desire.

I eventually was given the unique opportunity to bear fruit physically. I cannot tell you the feeling I had the first time I felt Gabriel kick in my belly. I must have laid there for hours waiting for the next movement. There was a person inside me. What an honor and privilege! Over the next months I got to imagine how he was growing while watching my belly stretch so big. I don’t think a day went by when I didn’t look in the mirror and say to myself “Is this seriously my body?” I could eventually tell where his little feet were and were his butt was when he stretched inside. It was truly the most amazing experience of my life. I have now been fortunate enough to experience this two times. I have since had one more little boy, Anthony, who is not so little. He is my chunky kid and Gabriel is my little peanut. These boys have given me a bigger purpose in my life.

You see I didn’t wait till I had the big house or the picket fence, a steady job or income at that. My children have not been a check on my list, but more life in my life. With them I have come to realize the power in my hands. I have them in my grasp from the moment they take their first breath until the moment they walk out the door… and even then… I am still their mother. No matter where they go, no matter where you go… we all have a mother. They are esteemed and honored because they gave us life. Have you ever heard the phrase, “Don’t you talk about my mama?” It says it all. Mothers are respected in all circumstances.

As a home engineer I feel I have one of the most important jobs in the world. I wouldn’t trade it for any position or any cost. There lies a nobility in what I do. Yes, I do laundry and cook and clean, but that’s on the side. Leaving the job as a big CEO behind leaves me to influence people in a bigger way as a mother. I am the main source of forming my children to be citizens of this world. Motherhood is outsourced today and I can see why… this is the most I have ever sacrificed and struggled in my life, but it’s worth every penny. I helped with Gabriel’s first steps, I have read to him countless hours to help form a proper vocabulary, I have worked day after day to form manners and good habits, I have had to let him cry it out through the night so he could learn to get a good night’s sleep, I have tried to get him to eat well, and I am working on his kindness, compassion, responsibility, self-control, and most importantly I am trying to teach him how to love… which is only achieved by him watching my life and how I love. This is the responsibility on a mother’s shoulders… feel the pressure, ladies? You should.

You think they are not watching you, but they are… your every move. I was cooking dinner the other night and heard Gabriel in the living room talking. Anthony was kicking around on his play mat and Gabriel was sitting next him repeating the very words I speak to Anthony every day, “Hey little buddy. Howya doin’. Hey buddy. So cute.” One other instance was the other day while we met a little boy at the Children's Hospital. We were watching the train after Mass there and met a friend. When we went to leave I asked Gabriel to tell him bye. Gabriel looked up at me and said, "Hug, mommy." OK, go ahead, be sweet and give him a hug. And then before I could get to him he yelled, "KISS TOO" and planted a big wet kiss right on that stranger's mouth. Yuck. But, all my hard work in getting him to welcome people and say good-bye properly surely paid off. So sweet.

Just as I have discovered, you too have a great dignity and great responsibility to use your gifts to bring life and love to the world. So, bear fruit, ladies. The world needs you.

My sweet boys...

2011-01-10T21:57:00.000-08:00

Both boys on Christmas day in Rome, Italy. Anthony is wearing the same pj's Gabriel wore last year! He is such a little fatty... love it.

This is the typical day... Anthony just sits around smiling while Gabriel acts like a goofball.

Some shots of the boys at our photo shoot... will post more later!

Our visit to Santa Christmas 2010. Gotta love it. We waited in line for over an hour, while Gabriel waited so patiently and Anthony slept. We got up there and when Gabriel started screaming and it scared Anthony, so he started screaming too! It was awesome... and so memorable.

My Beloved

2010-12-18T22:22:00.000-08:00

We always say that we love attending weddings because of its reminder of what we have as husband and wife. It's easy... so very easy... to forget in this crazy life. We were blessed again tonight to attend a wedding of sweet friends of ours, Erica and Charles. Oh, the purity of the wedding was as white as snow. Weddings are so different when the souls are in a state of grace and well prepared. It's so beautiful and we always feel honored to receive such an invitation. Tonight we heard our reminder throughout the homily while Fr. Baker spoke about another homily he heard during the Dominican sisters 1st profession this summer. He said the priest looked at them and said, "This is not about you at all... it's about our Lord Jesus and what he is accomplishing through you." So true. This crazy life, this amazing vocation, this marriage is about Christ. Fr. Baker said he is reminded at every wedding of Christ's love for the Church when he sees the love of the groom and bride for one another. He reminded us that marriage is not only about loving, but as Jesus calls us his "beloved" we are reminded to "BE LOVED." Part of every love story includes the reception of love. We must receive it. I think so often we are confused and think that our calling to Christian discipleship means we must love and love and love, but we must also allow God to love us. It was a perfect reflection tonight for me... to think about how God has loved me... to remember how I am loved. If we could spend time every day BEING loved and truly take on the name of his beloved, how changed we would be. What a sweet name to be called. So, be loved.

waiting on our Lover

2010-11-30T12:19:00.000-08:00

As this new Church year begins with my favorite season, Advent, I have reflected some on what all this means. Advent meaning "coming," we discover that we are patiently waiting. For the promise to be fulfilled. Our Lord never disappoints. He promised and He keeps his word. Come, Lord Jesus. He will come on Christmas day. What does all this mean? I have had the honor of being graced with 2 small souls who have won my heart from the minute I knew they existed. I never imagined I could love anyone is such a way, but I do and because of the grace of these lives I now understand more than ever the love of our Almighty God: the joy He finds in us, the goodness He finds in us despite our weakness, the desire for us to be with Him, His great jealousy, and His ever faithful merciful love which concludes with giving His life for us. It all began with his day of birth; the day Mary said, "Yes, Lord" and Our Heavenly Father freely gave us His son. How incredible! How undeserving we are! So, we wait for him now. We prepare the way for Him to enter into the manger. We try to love more fully. We try to have a spirit of not complaining and not thinking of ourselves. We try to remember the intensity of God's love for us. It is a passion we can not comprehend. How can anyone be unsatisfied reflecting on the passionate love of Christ for us? We are loved. He came as a tiny baby on a cold winter night in the midst of smelly animals in the stable. He came from the most humblest of beginnings. We are humbled and grateful. How and why do we not love you more, Lord? Thank you for this Advent. Give us hearts of great joyful anticipation as we await you. Let us never fear anything because we have you, the sweet Love of our lives. Come, Lord Jesus.

Happy Halloween, you crazy monkey

2010-11-01T07:27:00.001-07:00

The Bentley family... the mom, the monkey, the banana,
and we are not quite sure what Patrick dressed up as...

Gabriel and one of his very best friends, Ania. He just loves her. But, we have taught him well... he won't touch her!! Love that little chubby ladybug.

Gabriel drove us all around last night! He was so good. Loved the peoples' homes who had dogs more than the ones who had candy. I asked him to say trick or treat at one house and he responded with "ruff, ruff." And Patrick loved the homes who had beer... yea, they were giving out beer with their candy!

One of our first stops... nice butt.

My three boys... so cute... and so stinkin' scary weird. It was a work of art of Caleb. Patrick allowed him to paint however he wanted on his blank canvas!

Anthony has arrived!

2010-09-28T19:22:00.000-07:00

On September 21st Dr. Barrett told me that I was still measuring too small and that I needed another ultrasound... after confirming that my fluid was fine and the baby was fine, she proceeded to tell me that he could be up to 8 lbs because of the size of his head. She suggested the option of inducing because after trying for 1.5 hours to get Gabriel (my 5 lb baby) out, she didn't think I would have the hips to get Anthony through. If I waited any longer it could mean a c-section. So, we opted for the induction because I was already 4 cm and 80%. Two days later on September 23rd I found myself sitting in the passenger's seat of our trailblazer at 5:30am in the morning on our way to Baptist Hospital. I was already hungry and looking forward to the few popsicles they would offer me when I arrived! At 6:50am we were registered, I was in my totally stylish hospital gown, they had failed had one IV and had finally placed a second IV in my right hand and Dr. Barrett arrived to break my water....

Water broken at 6:55am... and so we waited... for two whole hours. Patrick put it the DVD to Friends Season 3 and we sat and laughed while I attempted to feel any pain at all. Still no contractions. After 2 hours Dr. Barrett ordered some pitocin since I was already 5 cm. Soon after the contractions began. They weren't even close to the ones I had with Gabriel. They were about 6-7 minutes apart and only lasted for about a minute (with Gabriel I was in horrible pain every 2-3 minutes and the contractions were over 2 minutes long). I kept thinking to myself, this is such a breeze. And it remained that way. By the time I was 7 or so cm I knew I couldn't wait much longer if I wanted to opt for the epidural, so I called in the BIG honkin' needle and they numbed me up. My left leg was much more numb this time, but still the perfect epidural because I knew when every contraction came. This was about noonish. And at this time, the Bentley's arrived and my dad and brother showed up. It was nice to see them for a while to pass the time. It took me another 3 hours to get to 10cm, so by 3pm, I was ready to go.

I told Patrick, "OK, tell the nurse that I am holding him in." He went to get her twice and by the third time, I was about to start pushing on my own. She finally came in and said, "Alright, let me check you out." 10 cm I was and ready to push. Oh no, there wasn't even an instrument table. She called again for one and Dr. Barrett arrived about 4 minutes later. Let's start pushing. So, anyone else would think that this was going to take forever. My first baby got stuck and he was only 5 lbs and this one was predicted to be 8. I was ready for anything. I started pushing and in 9 minutes, which is a total of 3 rounds of pushing, he was out. No complications, no nothing. Perfect delivery. And in 9 minutes.

That day the nurses at Baptist Hospital called me a rock star and in my own little heart I will always recall Anthony's birth as the day I was a rock star! I don't know if I have seriously ever been so proud of myself. I also have to give a shout out to St. Gerard. We have had his statue present in our home for about 4-5 weeks now thanks to the Legion of Mary in Nashville and he has truly been intercessing for us to have a safe, quick and healthy birth. We also thank Mary Our blessed Mother for her prayers that we asked for in the morning before our contractions began. Love her!

So now it's the adjustment... of being a mother of two, of sharing my time, of loving both, of still being a good wife, cook, housekeeper and working my part time job when this 6 weeks are up. It is always by the grace of God that we accomplish that which we think there is not enough time for and that we do it with peace and selflessness. Thank you, sweet Jesus, for this third gift of life you have given to me and to Patrick. The amazement and the joy is again something I could never express with words.

Gabriel, Oh Gabriel

2010-08-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

I really just adore him. He is the sunshine in my life. Every morning I wake up to hear him singing and every night when he doesn't want to go to bed and is still in the best of moods, I am reminded how lucky we are to have such an easy going, laid back, loves to party little boy. Yesterday he walked around all day with a rosary around his neck... seriously... he already has a devotion to Mary... I love it. This morning he walked around with a bucket on his head. He just totally cracks me up. We have dance parties quite often and he loves to hug and kiss me. While I read to him before his nap today, he looked up at me three times and leaned in for a kiss. He is so sweet.

I am starting to realize that he will soon not be the only little man in my life, so I am trying to soak up every last minute with him and enjoy our one on one time while I can. I know this new guy will sleep a lot, but it just won't be exactly the same again. It is bittersweet... but as many moms have told me, you love each just as much but differently. So, I look forward to having a small taste of God's love in my own heart... how is it that He loves each of us so much, but still in such a specific detailed love made especially for us. I pray for this grace with my two boys.

Above are some pictures from my cousin, Rachel's wedding. Gabriel looked like such a stud. He hung out with his Daddy in the 107 degree weather while the ceremony took place and he waved to me as I came down the aisle...

My other little boy...

2010-07-31T20:40:00.000-07:00

So, after the question a few weeks back when the women in line at the grocery store asked me if one day she would see me on TV like the Duggers, after I said I would love more kids after this second one, I have seemed to strike up lots of similar conversations in line (even with only one kid and one on the way). Today was my favorite yet... and maybe I am just totally pumped about having kids, but the lady in line made it very clear to me that she was "Done after three. I was just not going to do that to my kids and have more." I am not quite sure what she meant, but I just thought of Mother Teresa and how she said, "Saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers. It just doesn't make sense." Who knows if we will ever be able to have more, although I hope we are, but I had never thought till today that anyone thought it such a huge bitter burden. Sure, it's hard, but doesn't it just make more people to love? I guess I am too laid back and like to fly by the seat of my pants a lot more than most... it's just that I feel pretty normal... lots of kids sound fun... hmmm... maybe this next one will show me differently.

It's pretty exciting to know I will be the mother of two little boys soon... if you would've asked me years ago where I would be now, I would have never guessed that I would be living in a house with three boys! But, us girly girls get a taste of dirt and adventure thanks to God's sense of humor.

Our little boy, Anthony, is due September 29th, 8 1/2 weeks from now. He has, hands down, been 3 times more active than Gabriel ever was in the womb. He never ever stops moving... that is why I am awake right now and Patrick is sleeping. Anthony will not stop moving, therefore I am awake. He is already head down with big feet sticking into my left side... although I can already tell that his feet will be smaller than Gabriel's when he arrives. Yesterday we had another ultrasound because Dr. Barrett was telling me I was measuring too small. We were not surprised to know that he is at the perfect size, right in the 48% for his "age" in the womb and all is well. During the whole ultrasound his little hand held on tight to his big toe and he played around. Then by the end we were able to get about three shots of him looking like the "thinking man" with his little fist up on his forehead. I got some thinking men in this house, let me tell ya.

It is finally getting real to me. We are having a baby. You would think with this belly in front of me it would have sunk in sooner, but it hasn't. I am finally realizing that our family is about to grow. It is so exciting I just can't be more thrilled to have another person here to love.

It is so amazing, this gift of motherhood. There is nothing like it and I wouldn't trade it for any comfort or cost in the world. It's totally exhausting, but totally fulfilling. Oh, thank you, Jesus, for all the blessings you have given to me and for all the pains you have borne for me.

Braggin' on my man

2010-07-07T14:17:00.000-07:00

Now
AND
Then...

I started this on my anniversary... as life goes, I finish today...

Today (July 7th) I have been married for 3 years. Wow! Time super duper flies by so fast. Patrick and I were just working on setting up another couple yesterday... it seems this has been the tendency we have because we just love being married. We want to play cupid all the time and help others find marriage cause it's so awesome. We also just gave a talk on dating at Theology on Tap a few weeks back, which I would say was motivated by the same reasons... if it's your vocation to be married... whoop... let's get ya moving in the right direction because it doesn't get much better than this... to be striving towards Heaven as a married couple.

Of course, the world is stuck sometimes into the old ball and chain attitude where marriage is such a drag, and it totally can be if you can't continue to forgive, encourage and pour yourself out into your spouse. It just gets tougher, but God's grace comes through living a sacrament and it rains down and makes it all holy... many days I can feel the grace.

So today I will brag some on my sweet husband in celebration of the last three years. I have been blessed to have a man who I have seen work his butt off to provide for me and our family while going to class, grading papers, teaching, and working at the golf club. I love that he sees the big picture and is getting his PhD so that we will continue to be provided for down the line. Watching his brain swirl around all these papers, research and numerous statistical analysis that I can not even begin to understand impresses me every day. He is much more brilliant that I thought he was when I married him. I have seen him pour himself into teaching and really loving the experience of watching his students learn, which I totally get since I was a teacher.

I also love that he is a man of integrity and sincerity. He is so honest sometimes I question whether a filter needs to be put in place, but I love that he always tells me what he is thinking because it makes life so much more simple for me and us.

I love that when he says he forgives me he really means it and he never brings up the offense again. Never holding a grudge is something I so appreciate.... even when I bring it up again he pretends he has no clue what I am talking about. It is the biggest way my marriage has allowed me to learn of Christ's love... merciful. It has taught me how to forgive in a genuine way.

There are so many other things, but I would have to say that the most special element my husband has added to our marriage is the faith and trust he has in what God will do with our family. He has suffered bravely through a miscarriage with me and rejoiced in two other pregnancies with me. It is a gift to have a husband be thrilled to have another life come into ours. Being open to life in our marriage and practicing NFP for various reasons here and there has allowed us to become closer than ever and the freedom we have experienced in leaving our fertility in God's hands has been filled with grace that we experience every day in all aspects of our life with one another. We are never chained to our own plans, but only to God's... there is much freedom, but not without struggle of course, in working together to live in the Truth. The blessings are countless.

So, Happy Anniversary to my sweet husband, who I love so much, who I prayed for before we met, who I can not wait to spend another 5o plus years with! God is so good.

Usher

2010-07-02T21:56:00.000-07:00

We have started a pretty awesome tradition in our home, which I just love. We daily crank up the tunes and have a dance party in the living room. Patrick usually starts it, I follow, and Gabriel takes only seconds to realize, "Oh, man, my parents are dancing like crazy people again." He gets over the embarrassment pretty quickly and joins in with his head nods, his bouncing, swaying and clapping of hands. Quite honestly, we go nuts and dance all over the room... we act like we are experts, but trust me, no one would ever hire us for their music video.

Anyway, after the party, we turn the music down and get about our day... one of us leaves for work and the other stays home to be the parent and housekeeper. The itunes music plays at random in the background while we go about our day. So, today, I am in the kitchen. Gabriel has just eaten and is stirring imaginary food in his bowl, I am unloading the dishwasher and cleaning dishes, and then I hear it.... Usher begins... his famous song called "Yeah." Now, you are thinking... this is a horrid song with lots of bad words and the story line is just totally awful. But, if it were 5 years ago in a small gym at Berry College you would have found me dancing to this song in front of hundreds of people... "seriously" I remembered. I can not believe I did such things. Then I flash back to reality and look at my sweet son, look at my dishes and it takes no effort to see this huge belly sticking out in front on me. I am married, with almost 2 kids, taking care of a house. I started cracking up.

What's the significance? It was just a small moment where God opened my eyes and said, "Look where I have brought you." It was a sweet gift to know that through his grace I made it here in this moment with a life so full. So, the truth is, there was nothing significant about it. It was just a moment where Usher reminded me of the woman God is growing me into through my vocation as wife and mom and it made me happy. God has brought me a very long way since those days in the gym performing to Usher. I am so grateful that my performances are now only for the private audience of Gabriel!

Our Little Peanut at One Year Old

2010-06-14T07:57:00.000-07:00

Swinging in his new swing outside in the front of the house... gotta love those baby blues.

The two pictures above are Gabriel on his first birthday. So sweet. May 10th, 2010.

This is the most common picture you will get of our son...
pushing a toy around with rosaries wrapped around him. He seriously has a devotion to Mary.
He screams at me if I take them off of him.

I was folding laundry to walk out of the room and find him in the drawer... I am not sure how it got so closed, but he wanted to stay in there. I couldn't get him to come out.
He spends most of his time trying to climb into drawers and cabinets. I thought it was weird at first, but realized that this is just the boy in him... climbing and finding hiding spots.

Alright, this is our totally sanguine, social butterfly...
I mean it's late at night, we had company over so he was entertaining,
refused to go to bed and when all was said and done,
he kept telling us he wanted to eat again,
so in an effort to not starve him (although he had already eaten plenty) we tried again.
He started to close his eyes on about the second bite and by the third bite it was all over.
He was sleeping on his tray.
We took him out and carried him up to bed without a peep from him.
Ohh, the joys of our little social guy.
He just totally wore himself out! It's tough being the entertainer!

It's been a while...

2010-06-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

As we get through this crazy summer, I have to remember to record the events of this humid, busy, and joy filled time.

Patrick and I have been constantly tag teaming this summer. Patrick is working two jobs now, so when he is home I am gone working for Vandy Catholic. He has been up many early mornings and home late at night. I am trying to keep the house together while making sure my back stays in place. My back pain has surely been the biggest struggle and cross of this pregnancy. I have to constantly remind myself how pain and suffering can be used for good. I am pretty often only getting through the pain by offering if up for some very special intentions that I always have on my heart... I know God is using it for what He needs it for. All in all, despite some of the tough things, Patrick and I are enjoying the moments we do have together and are loving our hilarious Gabriel grow... he is becoming quite a maniac these days.

Gabriel is taking his first steps!! It will not be long before he is taking off all by himself... but for now it tends to be about 6 steps and then to his knees when he realizes crawling will get him there faster. He is opening and emptying EVERY cabinet, drawer, and closet we own. This is the maniac coming out. I am having to basically clean out every single one of sharp objects, things that can be swallowed, etc. Unfortunately, Gabriel decided to eat a small metal washer two days ago. I about had a heart attack. I called Patrick at work to tell him and his response was, "Don't let him play with metal, Kristi." OH YEAH, I put the little tiny pieces of metal in front of him and told him to play with them... seriously. Anyway, after speaking with my doctor friend, we realized that only if the metal was sharp or larger than a quarter did we have to worry... so the days have been filled with checking poop for a washer... good job, Kristi.

The pregnancy is going well... almost 25 weeks and getting big. I need to take some pictures of this huge belly, but time seems less these days. When I went to the doctor a few days ago they were actually worried I was going to go into pre-term labor, but after a little stress and some tests, everything turned out fine. Oh, craziness. Never a dull moment. So, Anthony is growing just fine and I have now finally gained some lbs. Since my last visit I gained a 6 whole pounds. This is good. I can not wait to meet him. As painful as labor is, for some reason it is just about the biggest high in the world! Whoop!

So... we truck along in this summer of 2010, while we watch our one year old crack us up, await our second sweet baby boy, and fight to spend some quality time together amidst the work schedules we are balancing. Thank you Jesus for the joy you give us in our marriage and through our children.

I promise to post pictures later today!

Our Sweet One Year Old!

2010-05-15T07:37:00.000-07:00

On Monday Gabriel turned ONE! How time flies! It has been the sweetest experience to be a mom and for Patrick to be a dada (as Gabriel says). We have already seen God's grace in this journey as parents. We don't have a lot of expertise under our belts, but we surely see the purpose in God's plan for children to be part of our marriage... always a life giving love. We have grown closer working as a team to love this son of ours, while Patrick working on his PhD and his second job, me working for Vandy Catholic, and trying to balance the rest of life... keeping house, exercising, eating well, and staying attached to our sacramental life. Gabriel has been such a source of selflessness for us and we are grateful. Time doesn't seem to be taken for granted anymore. Three days after Gabriel's first birthday we were able to give him the news that he was going to have a little brother! This is another part of our trip to Heaven... another little boy to love... we couldn't be more excited. God, again, you will never let us outdo You in Your Greatness and Generosity. We love you.

Happy Birthday, my sweet baby boy, Gabriel Patrick.

Last Year

2010-05-09T16:55:00.001-07:00

One year ago at this time I had cleaned every last inch of the apartment. I had all the laundry done, every dish clean, every piece of furniture dusted, every inch vacuumed and my bags were finally packed. Right about this time, Patrick and I had just returned home from buying a rocking chair and we were cleaning out the cars... shop vac, dusting, etc. Everything was just about ready and I started feeling the lower back pain. I tried to stay on my feet all day because the doctor had said three days earlier that I would be in labor within the next three days. As soon as the lower back pain started, we rushed to bed, not knowing how much sleep we would get. The first contraction woke me up the next morning, May 10th @6am. It was the biggest high... to deliver a baby that day... we are starting the countdown tonight to Gabriel's very 1st BIRTHDAY!! Time so flies. We are so blessed to have this sweet baby boy... and can't wait for our next little one in September.

Nashville Flood 2010

2010-05-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

The last 5 days have been crazy here in Nashville. If you have seen the news at all, we had torrential rainfall during the weekend. At least 25% of Nashville's annual rainfall fell in a matter of two days overwhelming one of the cities two water treatment facilities, leaving 14,000 homes without power and killing at least 18 people. We were generally unaffected by the rains with the exception being trapped at work for 5 hours on Saturday afternoon.

When I woke up Saturday morning, I had a message from my manager that the golf course was closed but that I needed to help set-up for a wedding that evening. I arrived at work at ten to 2 and there was water running across the entrance, but I made it across in the Honda just fine. Not more than thirty minutes after I arrived, there was waist deep water running across the entrance, and the water was shoulder deep by 3. There were about a dozen people at the club, and the golf pros set out driving the cart paths looking for a way out but were largely unsuccessful. By around 5, the wedding had been moved to a nearby hotel, so I was just waiting to be able to leave. The water finally receded by 7:15, so I finally left.

Below are some pictures of the flood. All of these locations are within 5-10 minutes driving of where we live.

These are of the flooded water treatment facility:

These streets are right down the road. As you can see, both are flooded:

Here are a couple boats that were swept away by the flood waters. I should note that we don't live near a boatable body of water, so this is unusual:

Coast Guard to the rescue:

The water likely covered this taxi. The driver must be airing it out:

Gabriel Patrick at Almost One Year

2010-05-01T22:11:00.000-07:00

So, this is the first time I remember seeing blood. He hurt his mouth and was bleeding A LOT according to me... but then again I thought he had a temperature the other day when it read 97.9 degrees. Anyway, you can see the traumatic leftover tear he has, but he is still trying to smile for the camera in the midst of the pain!

Just the sweetest little face... he so looks like his dad.

This is our son who has been drinking out of a straw for months... people totally crack up when they see it. He LOVES drinking from his sippy cups with straws. So cute.

He was looking at his Daddy and laughing... he just adores him. Probably because he is strong enough to throw him around and make a waterfall/whirlpool in the tub. I have seriously never heard so much noise and water splashing at bath time! Mommy is a little bit less likely to soak herself and the whole bathroom... but, that makes Daddy "funner!"

Can you see his 2 bottom teeth? ... we finally have some! Yea!

So, I put him in his highchair today while making my lunch. I turned around after hearing him sing and clap for a while and saw this incredibly chill kid hanging out with one leg on the tray and leaning back like he was driving a cool car. It reminded me of how my brother use to drive. Oh, how silly he is!

Here he takes after his mom. Whenever we put him out back in the grass he tends to hold both legs in the air because he can not stand his legs or feet to touch the grass.. maybe it tickles. Here is the leg hold in action... he will hold it like this for ten minutes if we leave him there. We laugh so hard everytime. We have to work on this so he acts like a real boy and plays in the dirt.

A day when he was talking up a storm and helping me dust bust the kitchen. He is this pleasant all the time... even when on his most recent sleep strikes. Love 'em.

3 Poops, No nap, and an Ice Cream Cone

2010-04-23T20:05:00.000-07:00

Life as a mom has a unique way of humbling us and making us feel insane, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I decided to write about yesterday because after seeing a good friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while I realized that even if no one else reads my blog, she finds comfort in knowing that there are other moms out there who have those days where they (as she said:) "die to themselves and die to themselves and the next day wake up and do it all over again." So, Maria, this one's for you.

Yesterday. Gabriel woke up in a state unlike many other mornings. Normally, I hear him talking and playing and sometimes even singing up there in his crib. Not yesterday. Yesterday he woke up screaming. A screaming as if pain was associated... so unlike other days, I took no time to slowly open my eyes and crawl out of bed. I didn't even allow this pregnant bladder to go to the bathroom before bolting up the steps to find out what could be wrong... nothing I discovered. He just decided to cry today. So, I tried to change his diaper, the whole while he screamed even harder and tried to flip around while I got poop all over myself, the ground and him and his outfit. It was fun. After changing him I realized he was pretty hungry or at least I thought food would ease the pain.. it did for a short while... then he pooped again. It was one of the grossest poops I have ever seen and smelled. It was half way up his back, all over his butt and covered his little guy (private part). It took about 12 wipes to get it all off and I sat considering a bath for quite some time until realizing that all this pooping had me running behind. After that I thought the day wouldn't get much worse. I had Encounter with Christ at my house yesterday morning and he did pretty good with all the distractions, but since his nap is usually at 11am and Encounter lasts till noon, he was overly tired. SO, I rocked him for a very long time... he fell alseep, I put him in his crib and he woke up. I thought, surely he will fall back asleep... nope... after 20 minutes, still awake, still crying and totally ticked at me. So, I got him out of his crib, giving up on the nap and tried to cheer him up for the next 20 minutes, while wiping snot off of me and him.... yuck. He was hungry again. So, I fed him. He eats like a vulture... HUGE bowls of food... tons. So, we sat and ate for about 40 minutes. Within 10 minutes of being done we had another poop... oh yes, just as grand and awesome as the last. At this point I decided to declare insanity because I just could not handle one more poop like this in my lifetime... at least yesterday I decided I couldn't. SO I changed it. That took about an hour and after he was clean, I laid on the ground next to him and just laughed. It is 1pm and I have had 3 poops and no nap. What better way to cure a little insanity: I pulled out the ice cream cones and chocolate and vanilla ice cream I have been craving every day of this pregnancy and I called Patrick and told him about our day so far... and he said, "What are you eating while you are telling me this?" "An ice cream cone," I said. He laughed so hard. "What!?" I said. "You are hilarious. I hope that helped." "It did," I said. We hung up the phone and I thanked Jesus for ice cream and the amazing sugar cones for the ice cream to go on top of and I licked that ice creamed and crunched that cone, while Gabriel (my well fed, well pooped, non-rested baby) played on the floor with his toys and giggled to himself while making car noises.

This is my life. This is what Jesus uses to make me holy. I have Jesus to thank for all the days of sleep strikes, poops and ice cream cones.

Marwige

2010-04-17T07:38:00.001-07:00

Last weekend was our 3rd Three to Get Married retreat here in Nashville. The preparation and prayer and planning was super intense. With over 20 speakers, 12 couples, and the camp people to deal with I would have to say that it was purely God's grace that won us such a peaceful weekend. It wore me out so badly that I ended the weekend with the stomach flu... pregnancy and exhaustion don't go well together!!

With all that being said, I once again was amazed throughout the weekend at God's providential love within each and every couple who was there and each one who spoke. Each had been given such a different path in their marriage and to watch the fidelity through it all was simply uplifting. We had speakers who had converted to Catholicism, some who had spouses with cancer, some with 3 kids, some with 10 and others who were infertile. Some speakers who struggled with in-laws, some with how to raise their kids, others who were newly married, and none who were normal. It was amazing to see God's work in their hearts and lives and relationships. Each one had such a unique story which one way or another they all recognized as their path to holiness.

It was a reminder to me about the story I am living. What will the next page read and how have the previous chapters gone? What will the heavy crosses be and how will we get through? In the end, I don't think it matters as long as Christ is our center. Fr. Baker stressed throughout the weekend that marriage makes no sense whatsoever if you have no relationship with Christ, no goal of Heaven and you haven't decided to completely abandon yourself to Jesus. Of course, you could live life without having these things, but the bottom line is that your life will be pretty boring and pretty predictable. He sent quite a challenge to the couples to live always in the state of grace and to follow ALL of the Church's teachings instead of picking and choosing those you like. There is a wisdom in the Holy Spirit who has inspired the Church. Will we trust Him?

SO bring it. Lord, we abandon ourselves to you. What is it that you will ask of us? How can we be an image in our marriage of Christ's love for the Church.. the ultimate sacrifice.

We haven't been married quite three years and let me tell you, Christ has sent us on a roller coaster ride... it has required lots of trust, but the gifts from Him are countless and really quite hard to believe at times. He will never let you outdo Him in generosity.

Gabriel's First Easter

2010-04-14T15:35:00.000-07:00

Cutie Patootie

2010-03-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

Gabriel loves crawling under the desk when I am working. He usually manages to make quite a mess... tearing out all the coupons I have organized, pulling all the printer paper out, one sheet at a time, and then somehow getting stuck under there. This is him about to assume his position under the desk! See the look of pure joy (and mischief)?

Yes, he is stuck in a box. How did he get in there? We have no idea. I was sleeping (Patrick lets me sleep in now on the weekend when he is home, since I am el prego) and Patrick went into the kitchen to get his coffee... he came back to the living room to find Gabriel stuck in the box. We are already being very adventurous!

Smile for the mommy!

Look how much he just LOVES his Daddy! Admiration at its best.

Ok, I know, I am an airhead. I taped it sideways again... if you really want to see our little peanut, you will have to turn your head sideways. Sorry. Otherwise, you can just listen to him copy me... I love it! This particular instance, he decided to sing his words a little bit... he must get that from his dad.

Twice the fun...

2010-03-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

We are so excited to announce that we are expecting another baby! Gabriel is going to be a BIG brother somewhere around Sept. 29th, 2010, which coincidentally (not really, with God there is no coincidence) is the feast of the arch angels Gabriel, Michael and Rafael. With that being said, Patrick was hoping for twin boys so all of our boys would have the names of the 3 arch angels... much to his disappointment we confirmed 3 weeks ago that there is only one baby in there, although he asked the doctor to check more than once to see if she could find anything else in there. She searched around during the ultrasound, but only one heartbeat and one little body.

We are about 12 or so weeks along and everything is going great. Thankfully I am not nearly as sick as I was last time. The nausea comes and goes and is mostly just bad in the mornings. During the day I am extra tired, but Gabriel is a great distraction. He keeps me on my toes and lets me forget sometimes how bad I really feel. He turned 10 months on the 10th and let me tell you... he can not get any more fun!!

My every day is SO bright because of him. He giggles so much, he copies everything I say and do, and he is really just so darn cute all the time. He vocabulary has made more progress and he has managed to copy me saying, "thank you" and "no no no no no." He also is able to climb all the stairs with no help and he has finally managed to chew and swallow cheerios with no gagging... he must take after his mom with the gagging stuff. He loves being outside just like any boy and he is doing so much better in the car these days. He has begun to have his attachment issues when his mom leaves, but other than that he never complains. We think that we are finally breaking through with a tooth.. it took him long enough!

As much as I love Gabriel, I really can not imagine having someone else in my life that I love just as much! We can not wait to add another little person to love in our life...

(Promise to put up pictures soon... we just moved, so I am not even quite sure where the camera is...)

9 Months a Peanut

2010-02-15T19:46:00.000-08:00

Our sweet baby boy is growing and is now 9 months old... holy macaroni. I feel like it was just yesterday we brought him home. He is surely showing his maturation by finally sleeping through the night!! Yea! 8pm-8am with no breaks in between. What a big boy! We are so proud. Patrick and I threw a party the first morning we woke up and he was still asleep... then when he did it a week in a row... we threw a bigger party. Although he is getting older he is not gaining too many pounds. I think he has his mommy's genes and is going to be petite. Still around 15 lbs, but we go to the doc Friday, so we will update you then. Some other new things: He is loving music and dances now. I need to catch this on tape because his little bounces are hilarious and he only does it when music is on. He is concentrating very hard on... well, pulling all the papers out of the trashcan, pulling all the Tupperware out of the drawer, all my clothes out of the drawer, and all the clothes out of the dryer. He loves to destroy things. He's a true boy. More than any other place in the whole house, I find him in the bathroom... staring into the tub. He will always love the tub, although lately he is wanting to stand up the whole time he is in the tub... he's crazy. He loves me to read to him and is starting to copy all the sounds I make. When I say "poop" he responds with "p p p" and when I say "dad" he responds with "da" and in the mornings when he wakes up I can hear him crying, "Ma... Ma... Ma." It is so sweet. Sometimes I leave him for a while so I can hear him say my name more! He is eating TONS. He eats 3 HUGE bowls of food every day (food his daddy makes by the way... on Wednesdays when mommy works). He is still nursing some, but I feel that may end soon. He loves sweet potatoes more than anything else and he hates peaches. He is truly the sweetest boy ever. He waves to us and smiles at us all day long. He giggles a lot, but also has a very serious side, like I said before... when he is emptying things. Below are some recent pictures. Enjoy!

Daddy making Gabriel laugh!

Very Serious.

He loves when we push him around the house in this box!

What a ham! He stopped and smiled when he saw I had the camera.

Daddy and Gabriel sleeping on the couch... Patrick is so faking it for the picture. With the Olympics on right now, do you really think Patrick is asleep. No. We do not miss one event.

Mom-Mom dragging Gabriel around in a shopping bag! The simple joys.

Standing up in the tub. He laughs every time.
He thinks he is hilarious. He must get it from his mom.

Thank you for everything

2010-01-25T14:59:00.000-08:00

Ok, so no pictures of Gabriel on this post... but I promise to put some more up soon... I had kinda a reflective day... so here it is.

St. Gertrude once asked Jesus to heal one of her friends... Jesus responded with this: "You trouble me, Gertrude, by asking me for the cure of your friend. I sent her this sickness as a trial. She accepts it with admirable submission to my will which gains great merit for her, and I thus prepare a more beautiful place in Heaven for her for all eternity."

I think this story is perfect for our reflection on holiness... do we accept everything God gives us with submission to His will? Can we really say, "Lord, thank you for everything?" Because sometimes he gives us stuff that we are not happy with in the moment, but we know is for the ultimate good of our souls.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately while I sometimes watch friends or myself struggle with different difficult things God has given. On the other hand, I also reflect on this when I notice the blessings I have in my life, the amazing miracles God has granted me. Do I respond the same to both? Because ultimately the difficult things AND the blessings are GIFTS. He is so good, so holy, so perfect that He wills all things for our well being, even if we do not see it.

There was a night when St. Monica prayed so hard for her son to not leave on a ship to Italy. She wanted him to be converted so badly and she just knew that if St. Augustine left he would have no chance. She begged the Lord on her knees, with sobs and tears... and Augustine left on that ship in the night. You see the Lord had to say no to her prayer in the moment, so he could say yes to her lifetime plee... for him to be converted. It was in Italy that Augustine met Ambrose and was converted.

We have to trust Him. He knows what He is doing. He makes all things new... all things good.

A beautiful prayer a very holy priest once taught me... and I think written by a saint... I say this every time I receive the Eucharist.

Thanks be to Thee, My Lord Jesus Christ

For all the blessings you have given to me,

For all the pains and insults you have borne for me.

Oh, Most merciful Redeemer, Friend and Brother,

May I know Thee more clearly,

Love Thee more dearly,

And follow Thee more nearly.

Amen.

I think this is all He asks of us every day. A young woman named St. Therese once said something like this (I think I reworded it some... ) If you desire to know God, then it is because you already know Him. And if you desire to love God it is because you already love Him. If you desire to be in His will, then you probably are, at least pretty darn close. He is so pleased with your desire.

This is what He asks of us. To abandon ourselves completely to Him. To tell him thank you for everything and mean it.

Handsome Boy and His Nursery

2010-01-07T11:48:00.000-08:00

So, I promised my sister-in-law, Jeanne, to finally put up some pictures of Gabriel's nursery. With her living in Italy she loves to be a part of everything from afar. Even though she lives the farthest away from me, she seems to be most in touch with what is going on!
I love that about her.

So, Jeanne, these are for you!

The CRIB... love those naps.

Rock a bye baby.

Poopy diapers live here.

My sweet boy after waking up from his nap yesterday. As you can see, there is a bear in the corner of the picture. I caught him tickling his ear and talking to him... we are lowering the crib today. I am afraid he is going to try to jump out to play with his friend, the bear.

Classic.
I tried so hard to keep him awake before we left for the chiropractor because I love when he sleeps in the car the whole way there. As you can see, even laying him on the ground on his back did not do the trick. He was exhausted. He played so hard that he decided not to wait on his mama any longer. Ohh, gotta love boys who play hard.

Our first attempt at sitting in a big boy seat to eat dinner. He looks happy here, but after a few bites he was hanging off the seat trying to get down. Time for a high chair.

He is drooling so much, my mom suggested bibs all the time, so we don't have to change him ten times a day from being completely soaked. Therefore, we try to stick with the season and sport our bibs accordingly. Still no teeth.

Always Happy!

His Great Mom Mom Peg sent him a life size train (lifesize for him anyway). We couldn't resist. He didn't like it, but it was hilarious. As my dad says, "Oh, Kristi, you are so laid back with him. You laugh when he laughs. You laugh when he gets mad. Nothing bothers you." I didn't realize that I was like that. But, I think I am. I couldn't stop laughing even though he was mad.

Christmas morning. It was hectic. From the Bentley's to the Zimmerman's. I had to explain to him that I had to pack his clothes in there and he didn't get travel that way... he had to get in the carseat again. By the way, Gabriel did this all himself. I did not help him climb into this suitcase. He is a mess.

Isn't he handsome? He told me he wants to model for Baby Gap.

He managed to find these tins in my bag and then stand up while balancing his hands on them... he thought he was so hilarious.

Yesterday I was trying to work for Vandy+Catholic and did everything to occupy Gabriel in the meantime. I have never tried television with him, so I thought I would give it a try. I found a show with talking dogs. Since we have turned the living room into a play room, the coffee table is pushed up in front of the TV. He crawled over to the table, climbed up and stood watching TV with his chin resting on his hands for like 15 minutes. He was so intrigued. I caught it on video. And laughed so hard.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-23T20:36:00.000-08:00

Gabriel met Santa and Mrs. Claus for the first time today. He behaved wonderfully and is enjoying his first Christmas season so much that he has decided to stop sleeping well at night. That could also be because are at my parent's house, so he is in a different bed and a different room.

Kristi and I hope all of you have a joy-filled Christmas!

Almost 7 Months and A MANIAC!

2009-12-08T08:09:00.001-08:00

Here are a few pictures of some crazy things I have witnessed lately.

Our sweet baby is growing into a crazy boy. This guy can not sit still. For example, yesterday I was visiting my friend Katherine and when getting ready to leave, I put him in his car seat, ran to the restroom and when I came back, he was on the floor playing. Yes, he climbed out! He is crawling, climbing, standing on his head, rolling everywhere, eating everything he can get his hands on, and talking up a storm (baby talk that is). I sometimes feel that he is trying very hard to explain some very important things to me (he uses his hands and everything)... if only I could understand the gibberish.

It is amazing how soon you can see a personality emerge in such a small person. I can already tell that Gabriel has a curiosity about life "beyond his months" and is super determined in achieving goals... he stops at nothing when he makes up that little mind to do something. He also has a sweet gentle side because as busy as he is, he loves to cuddle and be close. As Patrick says, "He is perfect. It must be because he has perfect parents!" Haha. Yeah right... just wait. He is only 7 months. We have the terrible twos to get through and I do not even want to begin to think about having a teenage boy in the house. We'll see how perfect we are then!

As always, I am so grateful to be a mom. Patrick always asks me if I am happy. I think that is good to consider, because being happy is important, but on the other hand I think having joy in your life is even more crucial. I have found that nothing has brought me more joy in life than being a wife and mom. Glad this was God's plan for me.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2009-12-01T10:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my daddy's birthday! I was so happy to celebrate with him. He even let me help him blow out the candles. I prepared by hanging a birthday sign, picking out a card, helping mommy wrap his gifts... well, I kinda just ate the wrapping paper... and by singing really loudly to him. I tried to be really good all day long, so mommy could make him a yummy dinner and clean up the house from our crazy Thanksgiving trip. I LOVE BIRTHDAYS. I even got to stay up past my bedtime! Now that I know how much fun this is, I can't wait to turn ONE in May. Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you.

Our Crazy Man is Growing

2009-11-20T14:08:00.000-08:00

What a man! Watching TV and holding on tightly to that remote...
he must get that from his Pop-Pop!

6 months and 10 days old. Today our trip to the doctor gave us some new info ... our little peanut is 15 lbs even, getting super tall at 26 3/4 inches, much more active than most 6 month old babies and very laid back. Our doctor called Gabriel a "she" about 3 times (being corrected by Patrick every time, of course!) and by the third time, he said, "I am so sorry I keep doing that. Honestly, he is just a real pretty guy." Patrick and I took no offense and said thank you to him. The doctor also kept asking if he is always "like this?" Letting the doctor throw him around to check out his vitals and then looking in his ears, moving legs to check reflexes, etc... Gabriel just kept smiling at him. We responded and told him, that indeed, Gabriel is always chill and seems to get along with everyone, nothing bothers him and he rarely cries. He truly is going to trick us into having another baby much sooner!

We are so enjoying this new phase Gabriel is in right now. He is up on all fours, rocking back and forth, army crawling everywhere, and loving his solid food... sometimes he grunts while I am feeding him, indicating I am not dishing it in fast enough! He loves shiny things and chews on ANYthing he can get his hands on. There is a video below of him going after the camera... a shiny thing... he stops at nothing till he can grab it.

As always, being a parent just gets sweeter and sweeter. I thank Jesus daily for giving us the opportunity to love and teach one of His children.

Halloween Fun!

2009-11-09T10:59:00.001-08:00

Is it really November already? Well, we came in town to visit Uncle Paul, Aunt Jeanne and Cousins Paul and Catherine for Halloween and we trick or treated around the Forum... going store to store was easier than truckin' up hills with all the babies. Gabriel had a great time and was chill as always, just hanging out while his dad and I tried to get candy for him ;) to eat! I thought I would be able to stand it like before and eat loads of candy, but after my 3rd Kit Kat bar, I retired for the night. I guess I am getting old. Enjoy the pics below!Gabriel as the Puffy Puppy (with his pumpkin socks).

Gabriel as a pumpkin... this time we lined the pumpkin with towels...
he didn't do so well when we didn't and he was sitting in all the mush.

There we are acting like Gabriel was going to eat the candy!

I Squashed It with My Bear Hands!

2009-10-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, so you're probably thinking, "Kristi does not know how to spell" but I meant to write "bear hands," although I did squash that mosquito with my bare hands... they were also my mama BEAR hands.

The other day I was sitting at the kitchen table doing some work and Gabriel was on the floor next to me, talking away and chewing on what he chews on these days... anything he can manage to get his hands on. Since it was such a beautiful day, I had the door to the balcony open for some fresh air. It was just growing dark and I had not closed it yet.

I guess a mosquito had managed to squirm its way in. I HATE bugs. Not only did it squirm in, but it managed to fly right onto my sweet little guy's back. His shirt had crept up some from scooting across the blanket on the floor and the bug landed right on his little love handles. The next thing that happened was truly a miracle, because with NO HESITATION AT ALL, I jumped up and squashed that mosquito right between my fingers.... ahh gross, the chill down my spine I get just thinking about it. But, in the moment the Mama Bear came out of me. And all because of a tiny bug.

I am growing into a die hard Mama Bear. I will protect my child with no fear. No fear of bugs. No fear of guts. No fear of bug guts between my fingers. Ewww. Chills. I think it is a true sign of motherhood.

I believe that this is just a silly circumstance, but in all seriousness and in the reality of life, our biggest protection over our children is prayer. Every night when Gabriel goes to sleep, we pray over him and every morning when he wakes up we ask that his guardian angel protect him. It is the grace of God through our request before His throne that places a wall of armor up around our sweet innocent soul. I hope I may always remember to protect his spiritual well being as quickly as I do with his physical... with no hesitation and with a sense of heroism.

Professional Pictures: 5 Months

2009-10-16T06:19:00.001-07:00

Love that bath!

I hate losing.

Can you tell that my gums hurt?

On Saturday Gabriel turned 5 months old. The time has seriously flown. He is about 14 lbs, rolling over from his back to his belly constantly, scooting himself across the whole floor, sucking on his hands, giggling, and totally in love with the song "Sherry" from the Jersey Boys soundtrack. He can not stop smiling when we play it! He always makes us laugh and there is truly never a dull moment. We so love his big blue eyes and feel blessed to have such a chill baby. He never cries... unless he is in the car or is getting rice cereal wiped off his face! Gabriel has been a true blessing to us, teaching us selflessness and a sense of simplicity in this complicated world. Patrick and I grow more and more in love with him every day, while we like to think he is doing the same.

This Sweet Venture

2009-10-03T13:22:00.000-07:00

Who knew I could love someone so much?!

If you look up the word venture in the dictionary it says something like "a risky or daring undertaking or journey" and I would have to say that more and more I am realizing how sweet this venture of being a wife and mother really is... it is similar I would say to running a small corporation (and some would argue: a huge corporation). So, my attitude has changed lately. Instead of being totally overwhelmed I have decided to take on the strategy of turning my home and job as a home engineer into the Bentley Corporation of Love! Sometimes I am totally enamored by the men and women in the work world (although I do work part time)... they seem in this zone to me, trying to organize their time, manage their business, save money, make money and form people into good employees. As mothers, we have a similar job... we always have more to do than time to do it and we are to organize and manage the home: cleaning bathrooms, dishes, clothes, buying birthday gifts, groceries and needed household items, cooking the meals, and at the same time, balancing a life of prayer, loving our husbands, caring for our children and then taking care of ourselves. It is truly an adventure and I would say quite a daring undertaking. In a talk I heard this week, we were encouraged to be a leader in the home, not like our husbands are called to be, but a leader with the heart, making every act of service done for our family an extension of love to Christ. Christ, I fold laundry because I love you. I change the 3rd poop diaper in an hour because I love you. In time, your home becomes a small corporation of love. So, this is my newest goal.

Feast of Gabriel the Archangel

2009-09-29T15:01:00.001-07:00

Today is Gabriel's feast day in the Church! It is so exciting to celebrate all the unique feasts we have in the Catholic Church... and how cool... a day to honor our angels that watch over us. This morning we went to Mass to celebrate! Below you can see how happy he was that it was his feast day.

Little Buddy at 4 Months

2009-09-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

He is so happy on his belly. He smiles and then gets embarrassed and eats the blanket and then lifts back up again to smile more. My eyes water when he smiles at me like this.
The sweet pure innocence and joy of babies. Our little gift.

The other night we got home kinda late, so his schedule was off. I could not get him to go to sleep. I rocked him and fed him and sang to him and repeated the process more than I can remember. Finally I gave up and decided to get ready for bed. I laid him on the bed while I was getting ready and heard him fussing a little... within a minute he stopped... he was sleeping. All my hard work and he got to sleep himself. (This is the only time we have ever put him in a gown. I don't think he liked it. So I did laundry the next day.)

While I was folding laundry he grabbed Patrick's boxers and starting chewing on them. Then he grabbed Patrick's hat and was trying to eat that too. All I had to do was walk out of the room for one minute. His dad decided he was going to wear it, not eat it.

Above is our first go at rice cereal. He was very confused as you can see, but eventually swallowed! It was hilarious. He finally slept the longest he ever has through the night.

More smiles on the belly! Isn't he so sweet?!

He looks like such a BIG boy in the bumbo. Yes, he always smiling.

Patrick's glasses. He wants to be just like his dad in all things...
so he laughs a lot, wears glasses, and can be very serious about certain things...
I am just waiting for him to ask me for a book to read while he fills his diaper.

If only the carseat were a tub...

2009-09-09T19:29:00.000-07:00

Here is the sweetest, most peaceful baby ever... until you get him in the car. In my dreams I can fly to the grocery store and car seats don't exist. Babies can lay in the tub while we travel and there is no screaming. Gabriel has gained an intense hatred of the car this past month. The whining has turned to horrid and uncontrollable crying. We have tried everything from singing to hanging toys to pacifers to windows down to padding to music to silence to rubbing his little head... nothing and I mean nothing works. It is my sanctification. Some moms have to adjust to in the night feedings, some to diapers, some to spit up... me to screaming car baby. I actually kinda like when I get to spend some time with him at night, diapers don't bother me (I just like to see how fast I can change them), and spit up is nothing. I think I changed my shirt yesterday four times and I just remembered now... it's kinda part of the day... BUT THE CAR IS ABSOLUTE TORTURE. No more silence. No more music. Just screaming. So, I can't stay at home all day. I offer up my car rides and try not to drive like a maniac so I can get out. All that being said... pray for me. I will continue to dream of bath time in the car until my little peanut decides to fall in love with the sweet purr of the engine!

My Happy Boy

2009-09-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

The video is a little dark, but at least you can hear the sweet noises he makes every morning when he wakes up! He is such a happy baby. And so chill. I just love him more and more each day. Man, God loves me.

This weekend we painted his nursery, finally! His room is almost done, which means soon he will be leaving his bassinet and traveling to his BIG crib. We will post pictures later of the room.

Sounds like life to me...

2009-08-31T13:23:00.000-07:00

I have one of the best jobs in the world... I work for the Catholic chaplain at Vanderbilt University. It is amazing to watch God work through our chaplain, through the students, through the sacraments... it is quite miraculous. Working in this job could appear to be peaceful, non-stressful, and totally lax, but it is quite the opposite... when you have a job like this, satan tends to hang around a little more often than with other jobs.

So, the other day, we were having one of those crazy days. Nothing was going right, the schedule for the day totally got thrown off, and it came to the point where Fr. Baker just threw his hands up and said, "Ok, I am at peace now with everything falling apart today."

Loved that. I think I will adopt that quote now as part of my morning prayer. Who has a day where everything goes exactly as planned? Who does actually have their whole house dusted and vacuumed with all the dishes and laundry done? Who is caught up with all their thank you cards and on top of it has answered every last e-mail and returned every phone call they need to? Who doesn't have something wrong with them physically? An aching back, a headache, a papercut? Who is caught up with life? Surely, if you have covered all this ground, you are like Jesus or something. So, have peace with the fact that everything has fallen a part. Just like that country song... "Sounds Like Life To Me." There will always be another diaper to change, another bathroom to clean, a phone call to return. But, have peace with it. No need to stress. All things are passing. Enjoy the moment God has you in, for this moment is His will for you.

He is serious about swim practice.

2009-08-29T16:47:00.000-07:00

We crack up every night when Gabriel gets into the bath tub. We rarely get him to smile while he is in there... it's because he is VERY serious about his swim practice. It takes about 3 or 4 minutes for him to realize he is in there and then the kicking does not stop. He would kick all night if we left him in there. It doesn't stop until the towel gets wrapped around him. We have posted bath time fun before, but it just keeps getting better and better... enjoy watching the swimmer do his thing. Oh yeah, and he gets all that serious stuff from his dad. And his really good swimming... that's from me... anyone who was on my swim team could have told you how good I was... haha... and all about the purple participation ribbons I got every week!

Never Tired of Love

2009-08-26T19:54:00.000-07:00

God speaks to us in many ways. I am particularly a fan of the way He inspires us on a daily basis with His Holy Spirit whispering softly in our ears to say something when no one else does or to be the first to pick up the item the other dropped or even to just smile when we don't really feel like it. It always gives us a breath of fresh air to obey His call. He does this with the big things too, but I think to hear Him well in those things, we must be a person of prayer and of silence... because that is when we hear Him best. I have to admit I don't always find the time of silence He calls me to, but when I do, I am often graced with His voice. And no, this isn't a voice like a man on the radio or at a sports game. It's simply the voice of God...the peace inside that isn't a feeling, but a knowledge.

Years ago I had an inspiration that I will keep with me always and recently it has hit home a little more in me because now I am a mom. It was a time when God reassured me that He never tires in loving me, ever. He will never be too exhausted to stay awake to listen to me speak or help me get through it one last time. He waits for me to rise in the morning and stays up to watch over me through the night. He adores and loves me in a way I could never comprehend.

Now this is so much clearer to me. I can not love my own child as perfectly as this because I am only human, but I understand now better the love of a parent for his child because I am a mom. Exhaustion is totally overrated when you have LOVE.

You're Just Too Good To Be True...

2009-08-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

Love those cheeks. I kiss them all day long!

This is his favorite outfit to wear to Mass.

Boy written all over his face... he wants to get into trouble bad.

Can't take my eyes off of you!
Literally, I could look at Gabriel all day long. Today he and I danced to the song
his daddy and I danced to at our wedding. Love me some Frankie Valli.
Here are some recent pictures. It has been a while because we have been traveling a ton. After being gone two weeks we are back home and so glad to sleep in our own bed.
The latest with our little peanut: He is sucking on his hands, grabbing things and trying to put them in his mouth, giggling just a little, kicking like crazy when you lay him down, lifting his head up anytime he is on his belly, and standing on our legs every time we hold him. He just wants to get down and run around already... I can tell. He has the sense of adventure his daddy has in him.
Oh, love is so grand. I just can't wait to have another!

Beautifully Handsome

2009-08-03T20:37:00.000-07:00

We take pictures non-stop of our work of art...
here are a few in the past week... week 12 of his precious life!
Yeah, we said the same thing... he looks different every day and sometimes like me and sometimes like Patrick, but always beautiful... in a boy like way.

It Won't Be Like This For Long

2009-07-28T21:32:00.000-07:00

We had quite the car ride to and from the lake this weekend with Gabriel and while driving in the car I could barely hear the words of Darius Rucker coming from the radio in the background over the crying... but, I did make out the part that says, "If you could just hang on, it won't be like this for long." And although I am no close imitation of Mary, I sometimes like to do what she did and ponder things in my heart... it's the introvert in me...

So... I was pondering Darius Rucker's words... as deep as that can be...

Love surely stretches you. A child surely stretches you. I have died to myself and my desires and wants more now than I ever have in my entire life. It makes me wonder about the sanctification mothers who have more than one child go through... because it is hard. But any vocation God calls us to is going to be and the rewards of your fidelity I have found are immense.

One example:
So, it's 4am and I hear Gabriel grunting in his bassinet next to me. Really? You're not going to sleep through the night? Maybe I will just pat his back and he will fall back asleep. So, I stick my arm over and pat away. No. He didn't. He's totally hungry. Ok, so I pick him up with my eyes still closed and think, burp cloth, I need one of those. As I open my eyes to look for one, there are his little eyes looking back at me. He isn't making any noises anymore because his mom is holding him. I look back at him and say, "hello sweet boy" and then I get the most amazing smile in the world, the one where he squints his little eyes after holding the smile for a while. I am so filled with joy to have woken up in this moment. How is it that I am loved so much? How undeserving I am of this love! How much I love him... it really is beyond me. So, I am hanging on, because it won't be like this for long.

He will grow and he won't wake me up anymore and I will miss those days where the world was asleep and God loved me through the night.

You'll have to turn your head sideways to see this....

2009-07-21T15:43:00.000-07:00

'

Gabriel gave me the best smiles ever today. After yesterday's visit to the doctor Patrick and I were looking forward to two things... 1) some smiles, since he cried all day and 2) to see if he could pull off what he did yesterday and roll over. We accomplished one and he smiled away today, but the rolling over thing, we will have to work on some more. I think he was just trying to impress the doctor. He already knows he impresses us! Sorry, but I always forget to turn the camera sideways when taking video. You will have to turn your head sideways to see this one! Man, do we love him.

A funny thing happened on the way to the doctor!

2009-07-20T12:22:00.000-07:00

Well, actually it happened while we were there...

Kristi and I took Gabriel to the doctor this morning for his two-month well checkup and his first round of vaccinations. We weren't really looking forward to the nurse sticking him with those needles and shooting him full of diseases, but we took him because we thought it was the best thing to do.

While we were there, he weighed in at a whopping 11 lbs. (just 1.5 lbs. heavier than his week old cousin, Catherine) and measured 22.75 inches long. He's a growing boy, that's for sure, close to 50% for his age up from around 10% weight when he was born. But none of this is all that funny.

Here's the funny part... The doctor came in and started his routine exam checking his joints and ears, etc. then he turned him over to his belly. Gabriel immediately propped himself up onto is elbows and held his head high looking all around to which the doctor responded, "Wow, that takes some good motor skills to get up on his elbows like that, especially at 10 weeks." Then, to the amazement of all of us, Gabriel rolled over onto his back! All the doctor could say was, "That's impressive." He hadn't ever done that before, so there were two proud, glowing parents in that doctor's room. Atta boy!

Then the nurse came in and gave him 3 shots in his thighs. Not cool, but he's one cool dude now!

First Trip to the Beach

2009-07-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

As you can see at the top most picture, the beach totally wore Gabriel out!
He slept more at the beach than he has ever slept and for the first time
... drum roll please...
he slept through the night while we were there.
Babies LOVE the beach! They are totally relaxed there and the fresh air kicks their little butts. Gabriel enjoyed sitting under the umbrella, hanging in the cabana and for about 3.5 minutes going into the pool and then the ocean. Patrick was not leaving until he experienced both.
And just like he loves the bath, he loved the ocean and the pool.
We had a fabulous time with Mom-Mom, Pop-Pop, Uncle Bo and the Hogans.
I took a million pictures, so a few are above for your viewing pleasure.
It was the break we all needed.
Grayton Beach, Florida... I miss you.

My favorite time each day!

2009-07-10T20:29:00.000-07:00

Besides the bonding Gabriel and I get to do at 4 each morning when I change his diaper, bath time is our time too. He has recently started being much more playful during this time which tells me he is ready for the pool. Well, as for the pool, our friend who is a pediatrician told us that he can go in the pool at two month which is today, so Michael Phelps should be scared of this little swimmer!

Double Chin Much!

2009-07-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

2 Years: Happy Anniversary!

2009-07-07T10:20:00.000-07:00

I wonder how many years you have to be married before you stop looking at eachother and saying, "We're married!"

Two years ago today will go down in history as the MOST FUN DAY of my entire life! It was the most beautiful Mass I had ever attended with two of our most favorite priests and over 400 people to celebrate the sacrament of Marriage with us. Thanks to my parents we had the time of our life at the reception... the best band in town, dancing ALL night long, delicious food (including an ice cream bar), and everyone we loved was present to party with us. I was sure that day that this is what Heaven was like, the banquet we are awaiting. The joy was overflowing in Patrick and I all day. We still talk about it all the time. We also continue to be grateful that God gave us the incredible grace and stregnth to save ourselves for one another until that day.

Two years later we look back and say that it feels like yesterday, but life has surely changed. We have one child in Heaven, one here with us, and a boat load of other joys and sufferings we have already endured together. We have learned about love being a choice and not a feeling and we have definitely grown in appreciation for each other's strengths and in wisdom in how to help one another with each other's weaknesses. But, two years is nothing... we are aspiring to learn more about sacrificial love, we are aspiring to have many more children, and we are aspiring to keep having a blast!

Patrick, I love you!

I Continue To Be A Stud

2009-07-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

I'm A Smilin' and Sleepin' MACHINE!

2009-07-03T09:47:00.000-07:00

My favorite moments are when he sleeps and smiles. The top picture was last night right after he was bathed and fed... he usually falls right asleep, but instead he decided to smile for about 30 minutes. This is one of the many smiles. Ohh, I could just eat him!! The other pictures are of him sleeping. He changes position and still does the funniest things with his hands. Patrick and I can not stop laughing every time he throws us off with one of the craziest poses. I continue to fall more and more in love with him every day.

I Am Growing

2009-07-01T13:13:00.000-07:00

I am growing so big! I have finally grown out of my newborn diapers and onesies. My mommy and daddy wake up every morning and tell me I look different... and I totally do. They say I still have my mommy's eyes, but that I am looking more and more like daddy every day. I have started to smile all the time and sometimes I even let out a little laugh. I am still sleeping well at night and only wake up mommy and daddy one time to change my diaper and eat. I am the best pooper in the world. Check out the picture below. My mom and mom-mom had to use a box to catch my poop, then a roll of paper towels, 10 wipes, and a new outfit and diaper and my mom-mom even had to change her clothes. It was a mess, but I felt so much better when it was over. Besides that I guess I could just say that my top three favorite things are cuddling, sleeping and milk. Life is good.

A Year Ago Today

2009-06-27T18:08:00.001-07:00

As I sit here and type my sweet baby is laying next to me on the guest room bed and since he has just drifted to sleep I have decided to listen to the Holy Spirit's call and reflect a little on a year ago today. June 27th 2008 was the day Patrick and I lost our first baby. It seems these days more people acknowledge the tiny souls who are lost early in the womb, while before it was not talked about and swept quietly under the rug. Thankfully Patrick and I have been able to speak openly about our loss and been able to mourn (and for our lifetime will mourn) the sweet life that was given to us for such a brief but special time. The reflections below are a little disconnected, but nevertheless, they are all reflections on this sad but grace filled experience.

I won't go into too many details about the actual miscarriage besides the fact that our tiny soul was about 5 weeks when he left us and my doctor, who was Catholic, helped me through it that night on the phone, not only physically, but also spiritually. She explained that because we had what is called "the desire of Baptism" for our child that he would surely reach Heaven. It was the relief I hoped for. The physical pain was something I never in my wildest dreams knew women who miscarried went through, but now I have the grace to be someone to empathize with those who suffer the same.

Hope. For a long while after the miscarriage I had some problems, and might I add anger, towards Baby Jesus. Patrick and I had tried getting pregnant for 2 months and the 3rd month we decided to pray a novena to the Infant of Prague (Baby Jesus as King). On the day after the 9th day, the pregnancy test said YES. Two days later we left for Rome and I was totally in love with Baby Jesus. When we lost the baby my love had turned to anger until Christ reminded me that it was because He became man by way of a sweet innocent baby that I now know with certainty that my child was with him in Paradise. It was through my miscarriage that I grew to fall madly in love with my God. My child got Heaven because of the Incarnation... God as man. So, needless to say, Baby Jesus and I reconciled. I now carry a little peanut Baby Jesus with me everywhere I go.

Some consolations. Of course when you suffer it is only natural to beg for consolations and as Christ does, He granted them to me. I had been praying so hard and sacrificing so much for a certain soul that I really love and I had begged God to reveal to me anything else He would need for me to do or pray or suffer for this soul... months later, after the miscarriage, I realized that I had my miscarriage on this person's birthday. God reminded me that this was no coincidence and that now I had a lifetime of suffering to offer. He always answers. Another consolation was when I received a phone call one day from a really close friend. She called me in tears and explained that her and her husband were encouraged to have a baby and give God that chance to bless them because of our little life. That same month they became pregnant and just had their beautiful baby boy a month ago. Lastly, one of my good friends suffered a miscarriage about 3 months after me. When she called to tell me I realized what a consolation God has allowed me to be to her. I got off the phone and cried. For the first time I could thank God wholeheartedly for the cross I had beared.

Suffering is never easy, but it brings the good. We have discovered a great appreciation for fertility and the true beauty in being open to life. In today's world we are bombarded by so many obstacles and life is prevented until a house is owned, money is saved, jobs are secure, and everyone is feeling really comfortable. I wonder how many more souls would exist if eternity was considered more than things that are just simply passing?

Patrick and I decided to name our baby Peter. We have been told that having a name to the soul always has helped those who have lost a child. This way Gabriel and any other children God blesses us with will be able to ask for intercession to a specific person with a name. We purchased a statue of St. Peter last year and have decided to always keep it in our baby room as a reminder of his life. It's been so special for me to have it in there.

He is with me every day. A beautiful woman of great faith I know, who miscarried a few weeks before me, said that now she wakes up every morning and when she is on her knees praying she says, "Ok, this is what your mom needs today." It made me laugh and realize the reality of that statement. I do take advantage of my child being before the throne of God!

And he is always there when I receive the Eucharist, since this is the one moment we are united to the whole body of Christ. When I kneel down after communion the warmth I feel is insane.... it is the one moment during the week when our whole family is together... the Mystical Body of Christ is such a mystery.

It's amazing now to think that Gabriel would not exist if God wouldn't have taken our first sweet soul. It will make me wonder for a lifetime why this was the plan, but I am sure it was the best one.

In the midst of it all Patrick and I became so much closer. When you lose something that belongs to both of you, you truly suffer it together. Christ drew us closer and therefore our marriage is much stronger from carrying this cross with one another.

Lastly, I would like to share a prayer. This is what I read every morning for months because it gave me hope and I was consoled knowing that there is a soul up there before the throne of God who has the reflection of Patrick and I on his face... therefore God will never forget us and we have a someone daily intercessing for our family. It is a humbling prayer but one of great healing for me. Feel free to pass it on to anyone who may need it.

Prayer After a Miscarriage

My Lord, the baby is dead!
Why, my Lord dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents' face. It will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

"Why, My child do you ask "why?" Well, I will tell you why.

You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind, he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty. He sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents' merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth."

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool. Forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.

-- Mother M. Angelica

Totus Tuus. Lord, I am totally Yours.

Father's Day at the Lake

2009-06-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

All Squishy

2009-06-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

One of my friends from college came to visit us this weekend for just a brief time and since she left I have been contemplating being a mom a lot more because of a question she asked me... it may sound silly for this one simple question to cause such a stir in my mind, but after a series of questions and answers about childbirth and breastfeeding and losing sleep at night, she asked, "And your belly, what is that like now? Is it all squishy?" My first response that came to mind was "I hope not!" But when I looked down, I remembered that I was blessed, unlike most women, to be free of stretch marks, but, "YES, my stomach was now, indeed squishy." That thought was followed by a quick moment of disappointment, looking at my body and knowing it would never again be quite the same. Soon after though, I began to take pride in my squishiness!

Life will never again be the same, but this is life I have always wanted. I envied the ladies walking around with big bellies and strollers and after my miscarriage last June, I desired more than ever to be a mom again. God granted me a greater appreciation of life through the suffering endured with that. So, now, I live my dream life. It contains 3am feedings where I am trying my hardest to stay awake, but assume that someone at that time needs my prayers (so I take advantage of being awake), dirty diapers, being drenched in throw up and having to change my clothes and his and my sheets, and never being able to leave the house without making sure the diaper bag is packed, his diaper is changed, and with one last look in the mirror before going, make sure I remembered to shower that day. It's all an amazing process... of being taught selflessness. People seem to be scared to to do that (I'm not saying I wasn't). But, now I have begun to discover the real joy in giving of myself.

Morning sickness, not fitting into your clothes anymore, waddling with a big belly, back pain, contractions, childbirth, recovery, feeding someone with your own body, smelling like milk, lack of sleep.... and the list goes on. It makes more sense now at Mass when I hear those words, "This is my Body, given up for you." We have no choice. Christ draws us closer to Him through our vocation as mother. And isn't that our goal anyway... so, squishiness, bring it.

Strike a Pose

2009-06-08T08:40:00.000-07:00

Our little guy has decided to pose every time he falls asleep.
His hands always gravitate to his face.
We laugh every time because the pose is always different and unique.
Patrick says that these positions mean that he will be a great thinker. I agree!

Aren't I Sweet?!

2009-06-05T16:35:00.000-07:00

Aren't I such a cutie?
So, no one can figure it out... do I look like my mommy or my daddy?
Every day they say I look different.
What do you think?
Vote above!

An Update on Our Peanut

2009-06-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

Our little peanut had his 2 week check-up a few days ago and we have gained almost a whole pound since our birthday. We are now 6 lbs 12 oz and like my dad would say, "we are eating like a viking." Every day it seems he is changing, especially those amazing cheeks of his, that I could just eat! He has begun to make more noises and cooing and grunting, especially when he has gas!! It is totally hilarious. We have also discovered that his favorite part of the day is his bath. It's as if the world has stopped... he couldn't be more content. He loves to cuddle and loves to be naked. He sleeps like a champ and only wakes up to eat or for a dirty diaper, which is only once and sometimes twice a night... we are way too lucky. Patrick and I are falling more in love with him every day.

The pictures above make me happy... his BIG little feet are always scrunched up however close to his body he can get them and I LOVE when he lays on my chest and just looks around. So sweet. Below is a short clip of our first bath in the tub. I am the happiest mommy in the world.

Contemplating the Face of God

2009-05-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

I was talking with someone the other day and was reminded of a phenomenon God has graced us with. It has to do with Heaven and our children. It is said that when you make it to the pearly gates (if God has so had mercy) that we will forever contemplate the face of God. I personally have always kinda struggled with this concept, thinking, "I am just going to stare into His face for all eternity? Really?" And then I had this sweet baby boy, who I could just look at all day long. I never get bored staring at him and each moment I do flies by so quickly, making time very different now. So, this is what was explained to me the other day: Heaven will be much like staring into the eyes of your child... the closest we can come here on earth to contemplating the face of God. Now, I can't wait. The motivation to get there is even greater. God has a tendency to do that to us... He gives us gifts in which we just can't help but love Him more. He will never let us outdo Him in generosity.

Gabriel's Baptism!

2009-05-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

Gabriel was baptized last Saturday, May 23. It was an amazing celebration of the "greatest day" of his life, as Father Baker so aptly stated! Thanks so much to all of our friends and family who were able to participate in the sacrament and welcome Gabriel into the Body of Christ. Our world is just a little bit more Catholic now.

Please look at our photo album of this great event on phanfare: click here.

PURE JOY!

2009-05-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

The first two weeks have been exhausting, but totally awesome! We are madly in love and continue to be amazed that God would grant us such a gift.These first weeks have been full of excitement, including sleeping, pooping, peeing on both of us numerous times, finding our thumb, watching TV with dad, and making silly faces. The most important of the adventures was being baptized this weekend and becoming a member of our Family, the Church. Gabriel has his second doctor's appointment this Friday, so we can see if he has grown some. His cheeks do look chubbier to me, but we'll have to wait and see. He has been sleeping well and only wakes us up once or twice a night for a diaper change and to eat. We have been pretty lucky. I hope to share more pictures soon! Thank you to all of you for your warm and loving welcome to our sweet little boy... the generosity has astounded us.

My Story

2009-05-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

I have my own now... a story to tell about how my first little peanut entered the world.

It all started last Saturday evening. The back pain had begun and as my instinct told me, I just knew the time was near. Patrick and I finished cleaning out the cars in the midst of the discomfort because I knew the more I was on my feet, the sooner my sweet one would be here. So, finishing our last, of MANY might I add, of cleaning sprees, we finally looked at eachother and said, "We better get to bed fast. We don't know how much time we have!" We slept for about 6 1/2 hours and at about 6am I sat up with some real pain and thought, THIS IS IT.

My contractions were kinda irregular for the first few hours, but quickly turned regular and more intense (about 5 minutes apart) by 10am. At that point we had told the doctor we were coming in and Patrick was finishing packing the car. Fr. Baker had already stopped by to give us Holy Communion and in the middle of his blessing over me, I laughed as I made it through one more contraction! So, we were ready to go.

I stood up to walk out the door at about 10:15am and BAM or should I say GUSH... water broken. I had no idea I was going to have a waterfall come out right there in the dining room, but we did. Needless to say we were delayed some, but soon off to the hospital.

We made it there by about 10:45am and checked in and got the confirmation that yes, I was in labor! They didn't know it, but I wasn't going back home if they told me to. For the next 3 1/2 hours I managed to make it through the contractions, which I must say, I am really proud of now. I didn't know it at the time, but they were the longest contractions my doctor said she had ever seen. They were lasting well over 2 minutes. So, without being boastful I have to say, I am awesome! Ha. After we made it to 6 1/2 cm we opted for the epidural. I couldn't see straight anymore and my body was shaking pretty bad from the pain. We just knew I wouldn't make it through. I had reached my limit. Within 10 minutes the horrid back needle was in (the least painful part of the whole labor) and I was able to rest some.

At this point, like epidurals tend to do, my labor slowed. It took me another 2 hours to make it to 7 1/2 cm when Dr. Barrett decided to dose me up with some pitocin. From there it took no time at all. Even though I was numbed up, within about 10 minutes I told the nurse that this baby was ready to come out. She was like, "Well, I can check you again, but I don't think so." Think again.. this mama went from 7 1/2 cm to 10 cm in 15 minutes. So, we started pushing.

We pushed for one whole hour when Dr. Barrett decided to call the troops in. The NICU had to come because little one decided to poop before he came out and then all the others who would step in for potential problems, etc. Little did we know that once this baby crowned, he was going to stay that way for 30 minutes. His little fist decided to get stuck under his chin and he just stayed. I could tell it was getting frustrating for everyone because we just wanted him to be here, so I told Dr. Barrett between contractions that she was doing a great job. She stopped, smiled and said, "I really needed to hear that," followed by, "Alright, let's get this baby out." I am so grateful she patiently waited because it prevented all sorts of problems (including tearing). So, after an hour and a half of pushing, Gabriel Patrick Bentley decided to join us. It was so funny because Dr. Barrett was holding him in such a way that Patrick could not tell if it was a boy or girl, so she spread his legs and Patrick yelled, "It's Gabriel!"

They handed him over to the NICU and cleaned out his throat and lungs to make sure he didn't swallow any poop... sounds lovely... and within about 5 minutes, they handed him to me. Before I was able to hold him, I could see Patrick across the room watching them as they cleaned him off and got him wrapped up. He was glowing and crying the biggest happy tears I have ever seen. Nothing like the look on the face of a father the first time he sees his son. I will never forget it.

Soon mom, dad, Eric and Mrs. Bentley came in. My brother says that this was his favorite moment. I didn't realize it at the time, but he said I was laughing so loud and crying at the same time. I couldn't believe it. How did he get here? Why do I deserve this? And most of all, God must really adore me to let me be a mom.

We moved to recovery and tried to sleep some. Patrick slept great. I just watched my little miracle through most of the night. What a dream! What an outerbody experience! What a gift!

So there it is. My story which officially initiated me into the mom club. This has been my greatest accomplishment yet.

I'm in love...

2009-05-13T18:55:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the World!!!

2009-05-10T19:57:00.000-07:00

Updated with some new photos!!!

We would like to announce to you the birth of:

Gabriel Patrick Bentley

5lbs, 13oz and 20in.
at 7:36 central on Mother's Day,
May 10, 2009

Mamma Kristi and Baby Gabriel are both doing great! Thanks for all the prayers!

Now I am going to have a story...

2009-05-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

I have found that many women find much pride in their infamous "Labor and Delivery Story." It's almost as if you are officially part of some new club once you have delivered a baby; a new and very special club, where only those who have faced this unbearable pain and pushed something so huge through something so small have room to talk and be proud... and now I am going to get a story too... it has just begun...

I am fully effaced, 3cm dilated, and have cleaned every last inch of my apartment. I feel as if the baby is so low that I can barely sit up straight. We are ready. So, now we wait for those "toe curling, make your eyes water, every 5 minutes for 2 hours straight contractions" as my doctor calls them and then we can leave for the hospital.

My story has begun and it already sounds like it's gonna be tough, but the ending is so sweet.

So we wait... for the rest of the story and my initiation into the club.

Our Lady of Fatima Pulls Through

2009-05-07T11:41:00.000-07:00

So, my husband totally got to the blog before I could... so, you know now... baby anytime! Wow. I am still in shock.

Alright, so, as most of you know I have been praying to Our Lady of Fatima. It all started when I knew I was due around her feast day (May 13th) and then it went from Judy Dreher buying Baby Bentley a bib from Portugal, Fatima before she even knew I was pregnant, then I read the Last Secret of Fatima and then we moved into apartment 513. Yeah, God is simple with me like that. He always lets me know who is watching out after me and who to pray to for intercession. And at this time, who better than a mom.

Well, the next part of the story goes: I was praying on Sunday at Mass and begging Our Lady to be with me because I was getting really nervous about labor and delivery and like a mom always does, she listened and answered. I ran into a woman that very day after Mass who I know through working for Fr. Baker and she asked me when I was due. I told her I would like to have the baby on the 13th, although I was due the 19th. And she said, "For Our Lady of Fatima?" and I said, "YES!" Well, what do ya know... this woman had the Nashville Diocesan Traveling Our Lady of Fatima in her home!! So, with no hesitation I responded with, "Can I have her?" The lady told me she would put in a good word for me, although the schedule had already been made as to where she would travel next. I didn't care. I knew she would call. And yesterday, it was confirmed. Our Lady of Fatima will be coming to the Bentley's on Thursday morning (the 14th), the day after Patrick and I will finish our Rosary Novena to her. Wow! What a better person to be there when we bring our sweet little one home!

God is so good!

Classes over! Baby, here we come!

2009-05-07T09:09:00.000-07:00

Well, that's my classes and the classes that I mentioned in my previous post - baptism, birthing and breastfeeding.

So, some exciting news! Kristi is 3-centimeters dilated! The doctor told us this morning that she hopes to have a baby here in the next 3 days or so. To help it along, Dr. Barrett stripped Kristi's cervical membrane while she was checking her cervix. This was a surprise to us both, but we can't wait! So, I guess "Here comes Baby!" would have been a more appropriate title for this post. I am so excited!

The classes last week were ok. From best to worst, I would order them: birthing, breastfeeding and baptism. Coincidentally, this is also from longest to shortest. All of them incorporated videos: women screaming and babies being born in the birthing class, babies rooting and feeding in the breastfeeding class and babies being baptized in the very corny, very dated, awful baptism video. Too bad there wasn't a little more meat to that class because I think it could have been very helpful for all the participants.

Alright then, I'm going to be a dad soon. Let's get this show on the road.

We're just little...

2009-04-30T11:00:00.001-07:00

So, it's confirmed... we're just little... me and the baby.

We went today for another ultrasound (I think we are up to 8 now) and yet again, everything is fine. The baby is in the 39% range in size, which is totally cool because they do not start to worry unless the baby falls in the 10% or lower range. So, we're good to go. Dr. Barrett said she would be surprised if the baby weighed more than 7 pounds at birth, so you know what I said... "Great, s/he will be easier to get out!"

Some other news: I have gained 27 pounds and the baby's head is down. Both very good.

It was so neat today to see our little one on the screen. We watched his/her little mouth opening and closing and saw the little hands. It makes it so real. We are officially in the home stretch. Less than 3 weeks till the due date and the nesting has begun... whew... I was cleaning up a storm last night and never got tired. I think this is what they say happens. I am just praying not to drive Patrick too crazy in the meantime... so, pray I can learn to rest and that he will stop asking me if I am in labor!

Later taters!

I love to laugh with him...

2009-04-28T20:29:00.000-07:00

I guess right before you have a baby, you have that moment that all young married couples have... and you realize it's not gonna just be you two anymore. A new and amazing and even more self-sacrificing season of your life together will begin. It's at this moment when you realize there will be someone else to love, but such a grace to know that you get to love that new person together.

I was looking at our wedding pictures tonight because well, I think as long as I live, it will be one of my most favorite days ever and the pictures were making me laugh. Especially the one you see above. This is my husband on most days... he loves to laugh and he loves to have fun...everything to Patrick is FUN! For one example he is always throwing this stuffed monkey at me (that squeals like a monkey when it's thrown) and then he laughs uncontrollably for quite some time. And if I ever seem down, it's totally unacceptable. He will do whatever it takes to make me laugh. It seems to be the most important goal of his life, and sometimes I have to direct him elsewhere, like his schoolwork... So maybe this is way too cheesy... but, I really don't care. I have such an amazing husband. I have never been through a day with him where he has not asked me, "What can I do for you?" or "How can I make it easier on you?" I love the way he loves me. I can't wait for our little one to have a dad like him. I think that's one of the most important things when finding your vocation to marriage... will my kids know love if something were to happen to me? And yes, I have no doubt. They will know all about love and laughter. And with that great confidence, I am praying they have Patrick's eyes, so when they laugh they sparkle like their dad's...

Are you in labor?

2009-04-27T17:00:00.000-07:00

So, this has become my new (and I think annoying) question for Kristi. Ever since she woke me up about a week ago at 2:30 in the morning with terrible back pain, even though she wasn't, I just thought it would be good for me to double check every once in a while. Kristi will be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and Dr. Barrett told us at our last appointment that if she goes into labor now, she won't do anything to keep her from having the baby. It must be close, so I am just trying to be ready.

I am so excited about having this baby. Well, I guess I won't be having anything, but I am excited for the baby to be born. My exams will be over within 48 hours, so the baby can come whenever s/he wants to after around noon on Wednesday. I wouldn't complain if the baby decides to come tonight though. The next week or so is important though, so s/he should probably hold off for a little while. Wednesday night is the Baptism class at St. Henry's. As many people know, we're going to try to make our baby a Christian really soon after we come home from the hospital. Fr. Baker leaves for Italy on May 24, so we're trying for May 23 - just 4 days after to due date. Of course, we have no idea if the baby will cooperate, but we hope so.

This weekend is our birth class - six hours on Saturday and four on Sunday for ten whole hours. I'm wondering if we are going to act out what labor will actually be like with a little break in the middle. From what I have heard, labor can actually be alot longer than ten hours. I hope not. Maybe Kristi and I can do a "dry run" Saturday morning when we leave for the class, so we will be prepared when the real deal gets here. After the class on Saturday, Kristi has a shower with her friends here in Nashville. Again, as with our wedding and the showers we have had for the baby, I am amazed by and eternally grateful for the awesome generosity that our friends show us. Thank all of you so much.

Finally, Tuesday is the last hurdle we have to overcome before the baby can be born - breastfeeding class! Well, Kristi says the baby can't come before then, but I am ready now. So I'll just keep asking her if she is in labor in hopes that the baby will hear me and decide to join us.

Peace!

Less than 4 to go...

2009-04-23T16:31:00.001-07:00

The 36 week check-up was today. Yet again, I am told that I am measuring too small... so there could be a few things possibly wrong, but it's very likely that we are just having a small baby. Next week we will have another ultrasound to check the baby's weight and I am sure everything will be just fine. She said usually at this point if the placenta wasn't doing its job and the baby stopped growing like it should, then I would be feeling really bad, my blood pressure would be doing weird things, along with other signs... and I am doing great.

Funny leg thing... I have lately had this crazy thing going on with my leg... it's one of those nerve deals, where the baby sits on a nerve and all of a sudden, I am walking, and BAM, there I go looking like someone with a limp. It's funny. I think our baby already has quite a sense of humor because he or she tends to do this at the best times... and I mean, the most inconvenient and when the most people are around. Love it.

Overall we are doing great. Heartburn continues on and sleeping is totally overrated at this point, but whatever... cause WE'RE HAVING A BABY!! Soon, we get to hug and kiss our little person, who God so generously granted to us out of love... what a miracle. I can't wait.