I remember so clearly that last summer at this time I was in a crazy panic because soon I would be having another baby. Gabriel took up all my time and left me no time for anything else. I was exhausted and could not even begin to comprehend how I would stretch myself to love one more person. Since I was induced with Anthony and knew when I would be leaving Gabriel behind to welcome another soul into the world, I think I rocked Gabriel that night longer than I ever had. He fell asleep in my arms and after laying him in his crib I sat next to it and cried, scared at what the future held. I prayed that God would give me the grace to multiply my love much like His love can do for all of us. When Anthony arrived, it was so. I was still able to spend time with both of them. They continued to tag team me with naps, be occupied when the other needed something, and almost instantly fell in love with one another. It was so beautiful.
As I was walking them home yesterday from the pool in our totally awesome double stroller, Gabriel was chanting, "Chunky Monkey" over and over while Anthony kept busting out laughing with this amazing giggle. I realized in that moment, that not only did God give me the grace to continue to love Gabriel just as much, but now Gabriel has a brother who adores him, loves him, and gives him his full attention as well. He was blessed with his sibling. It's an amazing gift and grace to have a sibling.
I was asked again today how many children I want. I am always so stuck with the answer to that. If I told you how many I want, you may think I am a crazy person. But, God may never give me any more either. Each moment in God's will is so different. His will for me one day, one week, one month, or in one certain year may be totally different than the next. I honestly can never see myself saying, "Alright, that's it. I don't want anymore." (That's the beauty NFP has given my heart as well). There is an openness to allow God's love to act and it's so freeing. So, I am not sure, still, how many children I want. I just know I desire them. And I especially desire them in those moments of grace when God shows me what a gift my children are, not only to me, but to one another. It is impossible for the love to remain the same. It multiplies over and over again. I just love it.
