So, she never does allow us to outdo her in generosity. She has continued to bless me and give me many special graces during this month where I am celebrating my anniversary to giving my whole life over to Jesus through her. Just a few graces include a random visit to the chapel at EWTN, which we did not intend to do at all, Patrick's graduation from Vanderbilt, a new lake house which our family will spend many summers enjoying, but a place I also believe will be a place for many to find Christ. And lastly a recent detox, which I am almost certain rid my body of a parasite, which has been plaguing me for a few years now... my life is truly changed because of it. I have been in a constant state of struggle with my stomach for as long as I can remember. God is good. So, let me tell you how the month long anniversary began... it is the first grace of all the others...
I
was on my way to the park about mid April and got pulled over by a cop car. What
a humbling experience with your kids in the car. I have warned them time
and time again that the police officer would get them if they were not
buckled, didn't stop crying or didn't go to sleep at nap time. And now,
look at me. I wasn't speeding. So, what did I do? I was being stopped because my back taillight was out. We meant to
fix it but we were away most of the weekend running a retreat so put it
off till the next week. It wasn't until he got out of his car and walked
closer that my heart stopped beating and my breathing got heavy and I
started sweating. I was not certain that my license had been renewed
after I had turned 30 the week before. Patrick and I had a conversation
that went something like, I will do it for you, ok, but if you really
don't have time just tell me what website to go to and I got it. So, did
it get done? We would find out soon. Nope. I was driving my three kids
around without a license. Not only did the officer hold me there for 45
minutes but he proceeded to take a picture of me, take my prints and
give me a court date. What was happening? I am going to court,
I thought. No. I had to explain to my kids what had happened and that I
wasn't a bad guy and that he wasn't taking me to jail. Then he let me
go. We missed our play date at the park and ate our chick fil a picnic
in the living room that day. Patrick came home to fix the light and
renewed my license online about 30 seconds after I got home. Now, I had a
court date. It was the Monday morning after
graduation and on the feast of our lady of Fatima. This was the
anniversary of the day I began my consecration to the blessed mother
last year. I am not sure what she had up her sleeve but I wasn't being
receptive to finding out.
What happened on Monday when I went to court
was for me another reminder of the way God infuses his grace into my
life. He never allows us to outdo him in generosity. It is a great
mystery to me how he takes the simplest prayer, the lowliest person, the
smallest opening in our hearts and moves mountains. So, let me tell you
what happened.
I arrived like the officer told me to at 6:30am,
which meant I woke up at 5am, drug my kids out of bed and over to Jenny's
house and Patrick, Adam and I drove downtown. I was third in line and
thought, this is going to be a breeze. No prob. Just show them my
renewed license and be on my way. They let me in, booked me, took my mug
shot, and spent 20 minutes trying to get my prints. The officer ran my
fingers and hands over the equipment about 25 times each... With no
success and finally gave up and stuck with the partial prints he had. My
hands were too dry to get prints. All those dishes did me in. He said
he had never seen that before in his life. Afterward my hands were numb
and swollen from the amount of times he pushed my little hands over the
machine, shoving, pushing, pulling, spraying my hands to get something
to work. I finally was told to go to courtroom 1A. I headed down there
with Patrick, realized it didn't open till 8am and sent Patrick to get me
food. By 8 I headed in, sat like a sardine in the middle of a bunch of
smelly people and waited. No judge. 9:30 rolls around and the room is
filling up. Still hadn't called me. I snuck into the bathroom stall to
eat because they would've taken my food. And then proceeded to nurse
Adam in the stall as well because there was nowhere to sit anywhere to
nurse. Patrick stood outside the courtroom door to make sure I didn't
miss my call and so I wouldn't be placed at the bottom of the pile. I
sent them home. I knew it was going to be a long day.
I waited as patiently as I could. Hours went by. The
room continued to fill up. They continued to call names, but not mine.
The judge was in and out. The people were restless. The room was tense.
I prayed. I was so frustrated. I decided to take advantage of the
moments I had there, alone and still. I prayed the rosary. I wished I
had a book. I prayed some more. I made really good resolutions. I missed
my kids. It was so hot in there. I prayed more. And then, I began to
receive lights from God. A year ago I had consecrated myself to the
Blessed Virgin, promising her that all of my prayers, sufferings, and
everything else would be hers to do what she would like with. In that
moment, she told me about the poor souls in purgatory. They awaited the just
judge. It was hot. It was crowded. It was a time of impatience. This is
what it will be like and you do not want to go there. The judge began to
call people up and explain to them that they were there because of
their own choice, their own doing. He sentenced them with all sorts of
crazy things, from essays, to never going to a wal mart again in their
entire life, to taking away their licenses and sending them to jail.
What was I doing here? I continued to pray. I just wanted to go home. I
knew at that moment that that desire to be home was the desire everyone
feels in purgatory. They just want to be where they belong. I saw the
sorrow in their faces. I saw the regret. I saw that they did not know
that anyone loved them. Charges were called out. Trespassing, simple
possession, theft, indecent exposure, disturbing the peace, driving with
a suspended license. The consequences hurt. What was I doing in the
same room? I did not want to be in there. I was given a newfound desire
for Heaven, for skipping purgatory, for pulling myself closer to Christ,
and most especially for praying for the poor souls in purgatory. It was
all very real to me being there. It was scary. And it was a moment of
grace.
It took 5 hours for them to call me up, ask for my
renewed license, sign some paper and say, "thank you, Mrs. Bentley, your
case has been dismissed, you may go now." I ran out of there as fast as
I have ever ran out of anywhere. I called Patrick and begged he come to
get me right away. I told him to call me so I could tell him where I
was. I wanted to run. I have no sense of direction so I took off in the
middle of downtown, heading nowhere. I wondered if I could be smart
enough to find my way to St. Mary's so I could pray a while, but was
certain that it would be locked. As I continued on my way, I started to
hear the bells ringing. I followed them. I ran faster ad faster! And
found the church. It was open and when I walked in, Mass was beginning. I
called Patrick to let him know I would be going to Mass. I sat down and
cried. What a long morning! What a long run! And now, Mass! The moment I
knelt down, I looked up at Mary and she made it clear that I had to go
to court, so she could get me alone with her
Son. I cannot remember the last time I was able to go to Mass alone. She
reminded me that Our Lord would not be outdone I generosity and that He
certainly remembered that I had consecrated myself to her.
To put the icing on the cake, Fr. Baker was there to
celebrate Mass and his homily spoke of the message of Our Lady of
Fatima. How her appearance and her story and her message reminds us that
as old fashioned as the modern world thinks the spiritual life to be,
that truth shows it has meaning and influence on the temporal world.
It matters. Prayer matters. It is real. We can not underestimate it. It
was a huge grace. My favorite feast day. The day I began the consecration. She
answered a pray for me that I have had in the depths of my heart so
often lately... which is a deep desire to be alone with The Lord just
for a moment in the silence, and most especially in the Mass. Thank you, Mary.
