Tuesday, July 28, 2009

It Won't Be Like This For Long

We had quite the car ride to and from the lake this weekend with Gabriel and while driving in the car I could barely hear the words of Darius Rucker coming from the radio in the background over the crying... but, I did make out the part that says, "If you could just hang on, it won't be like this for long." And although I am no close imitation of Mary, I sometimes like to do what she did and ponder things in my heart... it's the introvert in me...

So... I was pondering Darius Rucker's words... as deep as that can be...

Love surely stretches you. A child surely stretches you. I have died to myself and my desires and wants more now than I ever have in my entire life. It makes me wonder about the sanctification mothers who have more than one child go through... because it is hard. But any vocation God calls us to is going to be and the rewards of your fidelity I have found are immense.

One example:
So, it's 4am and I hear Gabriel grunting in his bassinet next to me. Really? You're not going to sleep through the night? Maybe I will just pat his back and he will fall back asleep. So, I stick my arm over and pat away. No. He didn't. He's totally hungry. Ok, so I pick him up with my eyes still closed and think, burp cloth, I need one of those. As I open my eyes to look for one, there are his little eyes looking back at me. He isn't making any noises anymore because his mom is holding him. I look back at him and say, "hello sweet boy" and then I get the most amazing smile in the world, the one where he squints his little eyes after holding the smile for a while. I am so filled with joy to have woken up in this moment. How is it that I am loved so much? How undeserving I am of this love! How much I love him... it really is beyond me. So, I am hanging on, because it won't be like this for long.

He will grow and he won't wake me up anymore and I will miss those days where the world was asleep and God loved me through the night.

1 comment:

  1. my sweet, sweet kristi - you are wise beyond your years. i am blessed to have you as one of my best friends.
    love you,