Friday, September 23, 2016

I'm just not sure why

I am doing some serious contemplation lately on why the Church does not have more saints who are mothers. I'm not saying they are wrong, I am just saying, I wish there were more.

I read day after day in my spiritual reading about these incredible saints, most of who were religious and priests. They had devoted their whole selves to God. Their fidelity is the beauty that guides me in so many ways in my walk of motherhood. We need more displays of this beauty in the Church in motherhood. The sanctity and purification during motherhood is something that is many times unbearable, much like the priest and religious saints encountered in their sufferings and trials, but just in a different way. They were dealing with superiors, us women are dealing with our husbands. They were dealing with people in their community life and we were dealing with the children that soak up every moment with their own sufferings, their own lessons that we are teaching them. In many ways, we are also superiors as mothers. It is a hard road. To be on our knees begging God to guide us, so we can serve our spouses and teach our children in the way of obedience and of God.

I recognize mothers who are striving for sainthood daily in their own lives; mothers and wives who have done what I am not sure I could achieve, but you see God in them because you know they thrive only off of his grace. I have seen my friends forgive their husbands of infidelity. I have seen my friends forgive their parents after a fall out I could never imagine with my own. I have seen my friends throw themselves into the arms of God with reckless abandon with their fertility, conceiving and giving birth to so many children that I would love to place jewels on their heavenly crown myself after the suffering I have seen them endure.

I know God sees it. I know it changes the world. The world is absent of fidelity in marriage. It is absent of sainthood in marriages. We need to keep striving for this.

Every moment is hard as a wife and mom. We fail so much. I have failed so many times this week. I don't go to bed on time, I have trouble getting up, I get lazy because there is just too much to do, I skip out on my quiet prayer time because I'm too overwhelmed to try to find silence, I yell at my kids in a heated moment, I let my pride take over when my husband criticizes me and my charity and patience is lacking.

But then God shows me all He allows me to accomplish through his grace... and I see how many times he allowed me to forgive. I see the child who I taught a great skill of virtue this week. I see the 3 meals I've cooked and cleaned up after for 6 people even though I didn't want to. I see the daily Mass I got through with my 2 year old. I see my husband trying to help me, not criticize me and I am humbled. It is God pushing me to sainthood through his grace. I am begging him for the desire because this is just so darn hard.

It is the resisting that is tough. It is the lack of trust that pulls me down. I have recently heard that "all mercy means is trusting Him with everything"...sounds so simple, right? I am trying to trust him where I am at, with how I am doing, to push me through to do better and grow my heart bigger.

There is so much complaining in motherhood and I think that's where I can find the true saints... it's the moms who never complain. They are the ones I'm trying to be like. They are the ones completely full of Jesus. Now, if the Church would just go ahead and make more of them saints!

2 comments:

  1. This made me cry. So true. I'm going to try harder to be a saint

    ReplyDelete

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