Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Sweet Lover of My Soul

I always like to be reminded of the great love of God for me personally. Sometimes it is so evident in my daily life... big hugs from my children, feeling the baby move around in my belly, Patrick's small and BIG acts of love for me (like mopping the floors while I am out), or even just the beautiful Spring flowers and breeze. But, some days, like today, I find it more difficult to find Him when I am worn down, I miss my nap, my boys are crazy and the day was filled with... worrying about a friend who may divorce, no break because of a sleep strike, Gabriel peeing in his pants at the store, spilled drinks on my couch, Anthony trying to climb on the outside of the banister ALL day and about an hour of crying before he would sleep tonight, and this crazy numb spot in my back (that will surely be there until I deliver the baby because of my scoliosis). It was today that I had to search even harder, seek silence in even greater avenues and ask Christ to remind me of His love. I was feeling lonely, impatient, tired, and a little angry.

And He always answers. Most times it is in the silence of prayer or in reading the writings of the saints or scripture. Today I reflected on this beautiful passage. It made me remember God's great mercy, how He has saved me from everything that is ugly about me, and how someone who wrote something so beautiful with such a great love, surely has a great Lover. It is so refreshing to remember our Lover, Our Merciful Redeemer, Our Savior, especially on the days when we need his mercy and peace most. Here is the passage from St. Augustine:

"Late have I loved you, O Beauty so ancient and so new; late have I loved you! For behold you were within me, and I outside; and I sought you outside and in my ugliness fell upon those lovely things that you have made. You were with me and I was not with you. I was kept from you by those things, yet had they not been in you, they would not have been at all. You called and cried to me and broke open my deafness; and you sent forth your beams and shone upon me and chased away my blindness; you breathed fragrance upon me, and I drew in my breath and do now pant for you; I tasted you and now hunger and thirst for you; you touched me and I have burned for your peace."

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