I feel as if I could speak of this beauty until I am blue in the face. But on the other hand, I have accepted with my whole heart that it's OK if I do... because God has given me and my husband a special grace to understand His hope and desire for married love... not in its perfection or completeness, but in its joys and simplicity. And one that we will continue to learn as we grow old together on this adventure.
Adam was army crawling across the floor downstairs tonight and I looked over the balcony, called his name and said, "Hi, buddy!" His little eyes darted all around looking for his Mommy. He finally found me, looked up, gave the absolute sweetest little smile and then put his little hand in the air in a fist, which to him meant he waved. Patrick smiled up at me and instantly responded with, "We made him. He is amazing." My eyes started to water. How is it that Patrick gets it like I do? How is it that he gets it?
When he said that to me, it meant much more than "our kids are awesome." It meant, we have a gift in our marriage to create eternal souls... and we will never take it for granted, sterilize it, or destroy it. What we had discussed two weeks earlier in our Mom's Book Club came back to me. As mothers we are called to be receptive... we are to always say, "Yes, Lord" whether it be "Yes, I accept a child" or "Yes, I accept that now is not the best time to have a child" or "Yes, even though you have given us a child, you may take them away." In those moments of speaking with my friends we spoke about how it is not only us moms who are called to receptivity, but our amazing husbands have also taken on this vocation, and it is a beautiful experience as a woman to have a man stand beside you in this receptivity. God's plan for married love. It can not be separated from marriage and I am sure that this is why so many marriages are ending. Life does not continue to connect them.
Today I overhead some ladies speaking. I heard at least two of them state that if they knew for sure they would receive another child of a certain gender, then they would have another baby, but since they could not be certain, they probably would not attempt in case they failed. I had to do a double take. It was as if I was hearing them say, "Oh, I already have a red pair of shoes, so if you are giving me another pair of red ones, I don't want them, even if they are a free gift. BUT, on the other hand, if they are blue, then for sure, hand 'em over now." Children are not accessories. You don't have them to get one of each, you have them to teach them the love of Christ, so more people will then know the love of Christ! I did hold my tongue, but my heart hurt.
I get frustrated. I have to watch out for my judgements of others. I have to make sure I place an understanding there. Lord, allow me to be understanding. I have to remain being thankful for this grace in my marriage... the grace to "get" God's plan for married love, which is receptivity and joy, a joy that carries a heavy cross, but still, a great joy in being open to the gift of life.
All this being said, I am not pregnant. Not today. But, maybe tomorrow. ;)