waiting on our Lover

As this new Church year begins with my favorite season, Advent, I have reflected some on what all this means. Advent meaning "coming," we discover that we are patiently waiting. For the promise to be fulfilled. Our Lord never disappoints. He promised and He keeps his word. Come, Lord Jesus. He will come on Christmas day. What does all this mean? I have had the honor of being graced with 2 small souls who have won my heart from the minute I knew they existed. I never imagined I could love anyone is such a way, but I do and because of the grace of these lives I now understand more than ever the love of our Almighty God: the joy He finds in us, the goodness He finds in us despite our weakness, the desire for us to be with Him, His great jealousy, and His ever faithful merciful love which concludes with giving His life for us. It all began with his day of birth; the day Mary said, "Yes, Lord" and Our Heavenly Father freely gave us His son. How incredible! How undeserving we are! So, we wait for him now. We prepare the way for Him to enter into the manger. We try to love more fully. We try to have a spirit of not complaining and not thinking of ourselves. We try to remember the intensity of God's love for us. It is a passion we can not comprehend. How can anyone be unsatisfied reflecting on the passionate love of Christ for us? We are loved. He came as a tiny baby on a cold winter night in the midst of smelly animals in the stable. He came from the most humblest of beginnings. We are humbled and grateful. How and why do we not love you more, Lord? Thank you for this Advent. Give us hearts of great joyful anticipation as we await you. Let us never fear anything because we have you, the sweet Love of our lives. Come, Lord Jesus.

Happy Halloween, you crazy monkey

The Bentley family... the mom, the monkey, the banana,
and we are not quite sure what Patrick dressed up as...

Gabriel and one of his very best friends, Ania. He just loves her. But, we have taught him well... he won't touch her!! Love that little chubby ladybug.

Gabriel drove us all around last night! He was so good. Loved the peoples' homes who had dogs more than the ones who had candy. I asked him to say trick or treat at one house and he responded with "ruff, ruff." And Patrick loved the homes who had beer... yea, they were giving out beer with their candy!

One of our first stops... nice butt.

My three boys... so cute... and so stinkin' scary weird. It was a work of art of Caleb. Patrick allowed him to paint however he wanted on his blank canvas!

Anthony has arrived!

On September 21st Dr. Barrett told me that I was still measuring too small and that I needed another ultrasound... after confirming that my fluid was fine and the baby was fine, she proceeded to tell me that he could be up to 8 lbs because of the size of his head. She suggested the option of inducing because after trying for 1.5 hours to get Gabriel (my 5 lb baby) out, she didn't think I would have the hips to get Anthony through. If I waited any longer it could mean a c-section. So, we opted for the induction because I was already 4 cm and 80%. Two days later on September 23rd I found myself sitting in the passenger's seat of our trailblazer at 5:30am in the morning on our way to Baptist Hospital. I was already hungry and looking forward to the few popsicles they would offer me when I arrived! At 6:50am we were registered, I was in my totally stylish hospital gown, they had failed had one IV and had finally placed a second IV in my right hand and Dr. Barrett arrived to break my water....

Water broken at 6:55am... and so we waited... for two whole hours. Patrick put it the DVD to Friends Season 3 and we sat and laughed while I attempted to feel any pain at all. Still no contractions. After 2 hours Dr. Barrett ordered some pitocin since I was already 5 cm. Soon after the contractions began. They weren't even close to the ones I had with Gabriel. They were about 6-7 minutes apart and only lasted for about a minute (with Gabriel I was in horrible pain every 2-3 minutes and the contractions were over 2 minutes long). I kept thinking to myself, this is such a breeze. And it remained that way. By the time I was 7 or so cm I knew I couldn't wait much longer if I wanted to opt for the epidural, so I called in the BIG honkin' needle and they numbed me up. My left leg was much more numb this time, but still the perfect epidural because I knew when every contraction came. This was about noonish. And at this time, the Bentley's arrived and my dad and brother showed up. It was nice to see them for a while to pass the time. It took me another 3 hours to get to 10cm, so by 3pm, I was ready to go.

I told Patrick, "OK, tell the nurse that I am holding him in." He went to get her twice and by the third time, I was about to start pushing on my own. She finally came in and said, "Alright, let me check you out." 10 cm I was and ready to push. Oh no, there wasn't even an instrument table. She called again for one and Dr. Barrett arrived about 4 minutes later. Let's start pushing. So, anyone else would think that this was going to take forever. My first baby got stuck and he was only 5 lbs and this one was predicted to be 8. I was ready for anything. I started pushing and in 9 minutes, which is a total of 3 rounds of pushing, he was out. No complications, no nothing. Perfect delivery. And in 9 minutes.

That day the nurses at Baptist Hospital called me a rock star and in my own little heart I will always recall Anthony's birth as the day I was a rock star! I don't know if I have seriously ever been so proud of myself. I also have to give a shout out to St. Gerard. We have had his statue present in our home for about 4-5 weeks now thanks to the Legion of Mary in Nashville and he has truly been intercessing for us to have a safe, quick and healthy birth. We also thank Mary Our blessed Mother for her prayers that we asked for in the morning before our contractions began. Love her!

So now it's the adjustment... of being a mother of two, of sharing my time, of loving both, of still being a good wife, cook, housekeeper and working my part time job when this 6 weeks are up. It is always by the grace of God that we accomplish that which we think there is not enough time for and that we do it with peace and selflessness. Thank you, sweet Jesus, for this third gift of life you have given to me and to Patrick. The amazement and the joy is again something I could never express with words.

Gabriel, Oh Gabriel

I really just adore him. He is the sunshine in my life. Every morning I wake up to hear him singing and every night when he doesn't want to go to bed and is still in the best of moods, I am reminded how lucky we are to have such an easy going, laid back, loves to party little boy. Yesterday he walked around all day with a rosary around his neck... seriously... he already has a devotion to Mary... I love it. This morning he walked around with a bucket on his head. He just totally cracks me up. We have dance parties quite often and he loves to hug and kiss me. While I read to him before his nap today, he looked up at me three times and leaned in for a kiss. He is so sweet.

I am starting to realize that he will soon not be the only little man in my life, so I am trying to soak up every last minute with him and enjoy our one on one time while I can. I know this new guy will sleep a lot, but it just won't be exactly the same again. It is bittersweet... but as many moms have told me, you love each just as much but differently. So, I look forward to having a small taste of God's love in my own heart... how is it that He loves each of us so much, but still in such a specific detailed love made especially for us. I pray for this grace with my two boys.

Above are some pictures from my cousin, Rachel's wedding. Gabriel looked like such a stud. He hung out with his Daddy in the 107 degree weather while the ceremony took place and he waved to me as I came down the aisle...

My other little boy...

So, after the question a few weeks back when the women in line at the grocery store asked me if one day she would see me on TV like the Duggers, after I said I would love more kids after this second one, I have seemed to strike up lots of similar conversations in line (even with only one kid and one on the way). Today was my favorite yet... and maybe I am just totally pumped about having kids, but the lady in line made it very clear to me that she was "Done after three. I was just not going to do that to my kids and have more." I am not quite sure what she meant, but I just thought of Mother Teresa and how she said, "Saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers. It just doesn't make sense." Who knows if we will ever be able to have more, although I hope we are, but I had never thought till today that anyone thought it such a huge bitter burden. Sure, it's hard, but doesn't it just make more people to love? I guess I am too laid back and like to fly by the seat of my pants a lot more than most... it's just that I feel pretty normal... lots of kids sound fun... hmmm... maybe this next one will show me differently.

It's pretty exciting to know I will be the mother of two little boys soon... if you would've asked me years ago where I would be now, I would have never guessed that I would be living in a house with three boys! But, us girly girls get a taste of dirt and adventure thanks to God's sense of humor.

Our little boy, Anthony, is due September 29th, 8 1/2 weeks from now. He has, hands down, been 3 times more active than Gabriel ever was in the womb. He never ever stops moving... that is why I am awake right now and Patrick is sleeping. Anthony will not stop moving, therefore I am awake. He is already head down with big feet sticking into my left side... although I can already tell that his feet will be smaller than Gabriel's when he arrives. Yesterday we had another ultrasound because Dr. Barrett was telling me I was measuring too small. We were not surprised to know that he is at the perfect size, right in the 48% for his "age" in the womb and all is well. During the whole ultrasound his little hand held on tight to his big toe and he played around. Then by the end we were able to get about three shots of him looking like the "thinking man" with his little fist up on his forehead. I got some thinking men in this house, let me tell ya.

It is finally getting real to me. We are having a baby. You would think with this belly in front of me it would have sunk in sooner, but it hasn't. I am finally realizing that our family is about to grow. It is so exciting I just can't be more thrilled to have another person here to love.

It is so amazing, this gift of motherhood. There is nothing like it and I wouldn't trade it for any comfort or cost in the world. It's totally exhausting, but totally fulfilling. Oh, thank you, Jesus, for all the blessings you have given to me and for all the pains you have borne for me.

Braggin' on my man

Now
AND
Then...


I started this on my anniversary... as life goes, I finish today...

Today (July 7th) I have been married for 3 years. Wow! Time super duper flies by so fast. Patrick and I were just working on setting up another couple yesterday... it seems this has been the tendency we have because we just love being married. We want to play cupid all the time and help others find marriage cause it's so awesome. We also just gave a talk on dating at Theology on Tap a few weeks back, which I would say was motivated by the same reasons... if it's your vocation to be married... whoop... let's get ya moving in the right direction because it doesn't get much better than this... to be striving towards Heaven as a married couple.

Of course, the world is stuck sometimes into the old ball and chain attitude where marriage is such a drag, and it totally can be if you can't continue to forgive, encourage and pour yourself out into your spouse. It just gets tougher, but God's grace comes through living a sacrament and it rains down and makes it all holy... many days I can feel the grace.

So today I will brag some on my sweet husband in celebration of the last three years. I have been blessed to have a man who I have seen work his butt off to provide for me and our family while going to class, grading papers, teaching, and working at the golf club. I love that he sees the big picture and is getting his PhD so that we will continue to be provided for down the line. Watching his brain swirl around all these papers, research and numerous statistical analysis that I can not even begin to understand impresses me every day. He is much more brilliant that I thought he was when I married him. I have seen him pour himself into teaching and really loving the experience of watching his students learn, which I totally get since I was a teacher.

I also love that he is a man of integrity and sincerity. He is so honest sometimes I question whether a filter needs to be put in place, but I love that he always tells me what he is thinking because it makes life so much more simple for me and us.

I love that when he says he forgives me he really means it and he never brings up the offense again. Never holding a grudge is something I so appreciate.... even when I bring it up again he pretends he has no clue what I am talking about. It is the biggest way my marriage has allowed me to learn of Christ's love... merciful. It has taught me how to forgive in a genuine way.

There are so many other things, but I would have to say that the most special element my husband has added to our marriage is the faith and trust he has in what God will do with our family. He has suffered bravely through a miscarriage with me and rejoiced in two other pregnancies with me. It is a gift to have a husband be thrilled to have another life come into ours. Being open to life in our marriage and practicing NFP for various reasons here and there has allowed us to become closer than ever and the freedom we have experienced in leaving our fertility in God's hands has been filled with grace that we experience every day in all aspects of our life with one another. We are never chained to our own plans, but only to God's... there is much freedom, but not without struggle of course, in working together to live in the Truth. The blessings are countless.

So, Happy Anniversary to my sweet husband, who I love so much, who I prayed for before we met, who I can not wait to spend another 5o plus years with! God is so good.

Usher

We have started a pretty awesome tradition in our home, which I just love. We daily crank up the tunes and have a dance party in the living room. Patrick usually starts it, I follow, and Gabriel takes only seconds to realize, "Oh, man, my parents are dancing like crazy people again." He gets over the embarrassment pretty quickly and joins in with his head nods, his bouncing, swaying and clapping of hands. Quite honestly, we go nuts and dance all over the room... we act like we are experts, but trust me, no one would ever hire us for their music video.

Anyway, after the party, we turn the music down and get about our day... one of us leaves for work and the other stays home to be the parent and housekeeper. The itunes music plays at random in the background while we go about our day. So, today, I am in the kitchen. Gabriel has just eaten and is stirring imaginary food in his bowl, I am unloading the dishwasher and cleaning dishes, and then I hear it.... Usher begins... his famous song called "Yeah." Now, you are thinking... this is a horrid song with lots of bad words and the story line is just totally awful. But, if it were 5 years ago in a small gym at Berry College you would have found me dancing to this song in front of hundreds of people... "seriously" I remembered. I can not believe I did such things. Then I flash back to reality and look at my sweet son, look at my dishes and it takes no effort to see this huge belly sticking out in front on me. I am married, with almost 2 kids, taking care of a house. I started cracking up.

What's the significance? It was just a small moment where God opened my eyes and said, "Look where I have brought you." It was a sweet gift to know that through his grace I made it here in this moment with a life so full. So, the truth is, there was nothing significant about it. It was just a moment where Usher reminded me of the woman God is growing me into through my vocation as wife and mom and it made me happy. God has brought me a very long way since those days in the gym performing to Usher. I am so grateful that my performances are now only for the private audience of Gabriel!