I am praying in many difficult moments. Trying to reflect on the daily gospel. I am praying when I am awake in the middle of the night. I am praying when I feel impatient and tired, when I have a headache and when my whole day consists of a sick child that I have to walk around on my shoulder while watching my house fall to pieces. I am praying in the many moments when I am not sure where I will be in the next fews months.
I am trying to not miss the opportunity to be sanctified at this time. It seems our Lord has asked us to surrender everything at this moment. I imagine these are the moments I will turn around and look at and remember the sweetness of being so out of control... of everything. I imagine he likes us best there, where we only have him to rely on. But, it is so very difficult.
In these moments where control is gone, there is so much sweetness in raising these three little boys, in feeling a small little one move around for the first time in my belly, and of learning how to use the one free minute I have each day for something worthwhile, of making the best of grocery money so I don't run out, of cleaning what I can and leaving the rest to be a disaster and trying not to care. Trying to grab on to the lessons I need to learn, the sweet children I have to enjoy and the husband who works so hard for us.
So, praying to be sanctified through every moment. Trying to pray. And trying to raise these adorable guys and enjoy it before it passes away.
These faces keep me going every day.
Adam has started walking. Finally at 16 months, and he never stops. He is working very hard on speaking, but only has a handful of words that are hard to figure out unless you are his parent. He says, "Da," "ba" for grape (i think because it looks like a ball), "caar" "cracka," and "ess" for YES. He giggles constantly. The picture below is a pretty good shot of what he looks like 75% of the day. He smiles with that little scrunched up nose and I just love it. He is into EVERYTHING. He shocks me every day. He climbs into the toilet, empties cabinets, pulls books off the shelf, steals toys from the older boys, climbs on everything, tries to open the fridge, empties the panty, and the list goes on. I have not seen him sit and play with one thing for longer than 30 seconds. He is quite the challenge. I do nothing but referee him most of the day. It is a great 2 hours when he naps. I wouldn't survive without that time to reboot myself to chase him once again when he wakes up. Adam is my joy. He is my trouble maker and my determined, never defeated warrior of it all.
Anthony just turned 3. He is just about the sweetest guy I have ever met. You can see it below in his eyes. He just wants to be hugged. He feels very deeply. His sad is very sad and his happy is overwhelming. He has begun to tell me stories more and more every day, his imagination is growing like rapid fire and he loves to eat. Every night at dinner I can always count on him trying everything I give him, loving it, saying "MMM" out loud and finishing it all... but slowly. He is always the last one done. He loves to be praised and hates to get in trouble. He is definitely the most sensitive of the bunch. He likes to drag things out, takes his time and right now, we are working very hard on listening. Last night as I bathed him, he looked at me for a good 5 seconds and then said, You have blue eyes, Mom. Can I touch them?" To anyone else it would've been weird, but to me, I knew without a doubt, Anthony was giving me a compliment. I so appreciate that he is so observant. He is going to be awesome with the new baby. Every day he is kissing and hugging my belly and continues to tell me that I am getting, "'Bigga, bigga, bigga" (bigger). He wants the baby to be here now and he wants it to be a boy. He is exceptionally sweet and exceptionally trouble!
Gabriel, my oldest and most responsible. He can sometimes come across as a little boss man or controlling, but the bottom line is, he is the oldest, he likes order, he likes to help and he really likes to make sure things run smoothly (his way!) I have begun to appreciate it more and more. He is supremely observant and checks on things, watches out for his brothers, and keeps them in line as best he can... and I have to say that most of the time it is truly out of care. He does not forget anything. I am shocked daily when he tells me stories in detail about when he was one, two or three years old. He is always right on and remembers much better than I about events and great moments of his life. He is super athletic, a really fast runner and a quick learner. He had been asking us to buy him legos for about a year now and my mom finally bought him some... he put everything together on his own... every small intricate piece with the guidance of Patrick showing him the directions... I feel bad it took us a year (but legos are for 6 years and up). He LOVES power rangers and ninjas and loves to pretend fight. He has begun to fold laundry with me and empties the dishwasher. I have realized the pride he takes in having jobs and duties and I am encouraged as mom to keep it up and never underestimate little hands and feet to help me. He wants the new baby to be a girl and has given me many name suggestions and wants to change diapers (sure, dude!) Gabriel is my absolute caretaker and such a little gentlemen.
They sanctify me in all their strengths and in all their weaknesses. I realize more each day I am with them how much of myself I need to improve on so they will learn to love better. They have also made me realize that children are such a gift. Recently I have been asked so often if I will have more children if this one is not a girl. Of course I will. It's not about that. It's about each one, boy or girl, who are so unique and so different and so special in their own way that God made them. Another boy isn't just another boy. They are each so amazing.