I like being on his team

Yes, that is my hubs, above. The top picture is one morning when he let me sleep in... he is working on his computer, holding Anthony, feeding Gabriel breakfast, and rocking the baby with his foot. And you thought you had a busy morning! And the other picture is Gabriel crying because he fell and Patrick comforting him while holding Adam in the carrier because he had just finished vacuuming for me. This is the reason I married him. He is a helper. He is always doing everything to try to make my life easier... and as helpless as I feel sometimes, I hope I am doing the same.

I find that in many marriages it's all about marking off points on your own personal scoreboard. Who did more? How long have you been holding the crying baby? But, didn't you read to them last night? Who cleaned up the kitchen last? I took out the trash even though it's your job... and on and on.  I find myself doing this at times. I see my friends do it. And it is hard to not keep score. That is why I like being on the same team with Patrick, who never keeps score... if there isn't another team, how can you be keeping score? He is teaching me more and more that this is what marriage is all about. Doing whatever we can to serve one another. Lately, with our three little guys, I have felt completely helpless... and so much more reliant on him. He has adopted a new phrase, which has become my new favorite at this stage in the game... he continually says to me, "You are not a burden to me. I am right there in this with you. Ask me for anything."

It is in this new phrase that I hear often these days that I find peace. Just as Fr. Baker reminded us last night at Mass, our marriage has a purpose... it is to show the world the love of Jesus Christ. The way we love one another will be an example to others and prove to them the sacrificial, selfless, and complete love of Christ. So, although we do not have the perfect marriage by any stretch of the imagination... I hope that the idea of being on the same team inspires in you a greater love for your spouse. And know that if you have to be the first to come out of yourself and join his team, that he will soon follow. (And pray for that too!)

Our 3rd peanut has arrived...

After the much anticipated birth... Adam Joseph Bentley has arrived! June 23rd @2:38pm. He was a whopping 8 lbs. 15 oz. and 21 inches long! I am pretty sure people were more shocked at his weight than the fact that we had our third little boy.

 It all began on Thursday morning... contractions lasted from about 6am-4pm... all day, 6 minutes apart, but not very strong or painful. Then they disappeared. I was super bummed. They returned the next evening, Friday night, about 11pm... they lasted through the night, every 5 minutes... and started to get pretty painful by morning. I spent most of the night on the recliner timing contractions and dozing off to sleep in between them.  In the morning, we called our parents and told them we thought this was it. Yet again, the contractions slowed. By the time we made it to the hospital they were 8 minutes apart and less painful. Which was OK since our car broke down as we pulled in to the parking garage. We had other problems to solve before a baby came... or maybe not! The nurse in triage called Dr. Barrett and she told me even though I was almost 5 cm, the contractions weren't close enough together to get me moving, so I could go home and wait it out, walk the halls, or she would be happy to come in and break my water... OH, the decisions. So, we called the two people we always rely on opinions for... our own moms! Both my mom and Patrick's mom didn't hesitate to say, "DO IT! Let her break that water!" I think they were pretty pumped to meet their 3rd (for the Zimmerman's) and 10th (for the Bentley's) grandchild.

So, they moved me to a delivery room, I put my gown on, they started my IV (my least favorite part of delivering a baby, may I add, especially after a few tries), and Dr. Barrett arrived pretty soon after to break my water. We soon discovered that our sweet baby had already pooped... really? So, she didn't want to wait too long to get him out. After about 30 minutes she started the pitocin and things revved up. THE PAIN! Man, you just totally forget that feeling, but it is like nothing else. Again, for the 3rd time, I am proud to say that I made it all the way to 8cm without an epidural. After the epidural was started I rested for a very short time, laid in crazy positions to get the baby off my coccyx bone (that was making me cry even with the epidural), and within the hour was 10 cm and ready to push. Unfortunatley the NICU had to be present because the baby had pooped and they had to take him from me right away to suck out his lungs and throat and make sure he didn't ingest any. After 11 minutes of pushing, HE was here. As always, it is super exciting to not know the sex of your baby. When he came out, Dr. Barrett flipped him over and Patrick yelled, "It's a boy!" much to his surprise!! I was pretty sure it was a boy and Patrick was pretty certain it was a girl, so what a surprise to find out we now had 3 little boys. While they were cleaning him off, Dr. Barrett applauded me for my delivery, told me I didn't have one complication and that I should have babies professionally! Ha. I laughed so hard.

From across the room they yelled his weight to me and I was SHOCKED... my babies are growing 2 lbs with each one... what will happen with the next one?!! Then they gave him to me to hold... and I got to meet his sweet face for the first time. Just beautiful. This never gets old. What beauty in this gift of life!

My parents were on their way with the boys and Patrick's parents were shooed away EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE RIGHT OUTSIDE the room! Patrick insisted that the boys meet their brother first. SO funny. About 5 minutes later the boys arrived and Patrick brought them in to meet their brother.  Although a little hesitant, they were both so excited to meet their new baby. Gabriel was most concerned about the IV in my arm and he asked me about a million times if we really got to take the baby home... and Anthony just wanted to kiss him, kiss him, kiss him. It was super sweet. Patrick then brought the boys to the waiting room and Gabriel announced that they had a new little brother! My parents, Patrick's parents, my brother and A BIG surprise: Patrick's sister, Jeanne, joined us in the delivery room to celebrate! It was a great afternoon... especially after I ate lunch! All that pain makes ya hungry.

Adam is truly a BIG boy, but still has petite features like Gabriel did... he reminds me a lot of Gabriel as a newborn, but still has his own little look. Big blue eyes, chubby cheeks, and yes... he has the same crazy thing going on with his butt that the other two boys have... it's fused at the top of ALL three of their little butts (but Adam has a double fuse!). So crazy. You would have to see it to believe it.  It's not in the genes (on either side)!

Anyway, the past 3 weeks have been quite a ride. Of course, there is the healing, the emotions, the adjusting, the night feedings, the diapers, the umbilical cord healing, the crying... and all the rest, but I would have to say... after you do it once and even twice, the third time around is less stressful and more relaxed with less surprises and more enjoyment of a new person being a part of your family.

I would not in a million years have guessed 5 years ago when I married Patrick that 5 years later I would be the mommy of three little boys. I am the girl who was a ballerina growing up. I am the girl who refused to wear nothing but big bows, the color lavendar, and lipstick. There are many surprises in life... this has been one of mine. And quite honestly, I love it. I am honored to have been granted three boys... who I have been entrusted to help form into young gentlemen. What a gift!

So, for now, I ask for prayers. This has been hard. Actually for the first time a few days ago all three of the boys were crying at the same time... I looked up to Jesus and asked, "Are you sure about this? Really? Cause I can think of a lot of other ways to be sanctified!" I am pretty sure he just gave a little laugh back at me. But, really, I ask for patience more than ever. And for the wisdom I need to turn them into gentlemen. And the energy to play up to their speed. And the ability to detach from a tidy house. Cause the clean house just ain't happenin' my friends.

I also am feeling more grateful than ever to have the gift of being a stay at home mom. So many people do not have that gift and as each year with children passes I am realizing with more clarity how they would not be given fair opportunity to be formed into the Catholic soldiers God intended them to be without us being present to them as often as we can and this fact leads to many sacrifices. It is the ins and outs of the daily routine that allows us to form the manners, the virtues, the gentleness, the toughness, the attitude of forgiveness, and a heart that loves to laugh and have fun. They have to be taught to live it in each and every circumstance of their day and they have to be around people who live it. So, it leaves me with high expectations for myself and Patrick as well... which always leaves us challenging ourselves to be more like Christ.

Thank you, Lord, for Adam Joseph, another soul to bring us joy and make us better and more like You.

 The BIG mama just days before. Oh, that belly was HUGE. Whew! 

I could run a marathon without that thing attached now.

 Right before we left for the hospital. I was enduring contractions... and trying to smile!

 He's here! Sweet Baby Bentley Boy #3.

 "Hi, I'm your Mommy! I can tell you like me already."

 Boys coming to meet their brother for the first time.

 Proud Daddy above. Proud Mama below. He is the best guy ever to have in that delivery room. What a champ he is! And wait, what a champ I am! Maybe I will be a professional.

 Our first family of five picture! Everyone looks pretty happy. 

And I look so much lighter... can you tell?

 Sweet profile shot.

 And OH, the joys of the first bath! He loved it. He kinda looks like he is at the spa.

 Aunt Jeanne comes to visit from VA. What an awesome aunt! 

Way to travel all those hours for us! We love you.

Below: Just hanging out at the hospital for two days.

 This van was in front of us on our drive home from the hospital. So funny.

 Can I hold him? Can I hold him? Can I hold him?  

 Below: The boys were promised a surprise from the baby if they were good for their grandparents while Mommy and Daddy were at the hospital!  CLOSE YOUR EYES!

 Surprise! Elmo puzzles and a Spiderman snorkel.

 Awesome. I will try on my snorkel. And I will wear it all day. Every day....  For the rest of my life.

 First visit to the doctor. Adam weighed 8 lbs. 12 oz. Gabriel weighed 25 lbs. 15 oz. and Anthony weighed 24 lbs. 6oz. Pretty soon I think they will all probably weight the same.

 Love the cheeks when he sleeps.

 First brotherly nakey picture.

 Sweet.

 I was pretty sure that in this picture he was saying, "Mom, check out these guns! Do you think I am strong enough yet to kick my brothers' butts? Their kisses are really driving me crazy!"

Ahhh, love when they sleep. And love when they all three sleep at the same time!

I wish I had my video camera...

... but I did take some film in my mind and my little heart. Sometimes we have moments in our life that we wish we could capture and replay over and over. Sometimes we have inspirations from the Holy Spirit that we wish we could share in the same way the Lord shared them with us. And sometimes we just have a crazy moment that would mean nothing to you, but means everything to me. Tonight we gave up on cooking (after thinking I may be in labor soon) and went to the Cracker Barrel with the boys. It was super fun. Just our little family... fried chicken, peg board games, biscuits and some awesome sweet tea. It was peaceful and our boys were so well behaved, as they always are. On our ride home, we put on one of our favorite songs... Lady Antebellum's Own the Night. We have a tradition now where the moment the song comes on, we just start jamming away... everyone is clapping, everyone is singing (or at least trying to) and everyone is giggling.

For some people it may have just looked a bunch of crazies being crazy in the car... for me it was a sign that we are blessed. We are made happy by simple things. And we have a great time together... we have joy... just like God calls us to. We are a family just trying to make it by throwing joy into our daily lives... however we can. I wish I had that video camera. But, even though I didn't, I had the reassurance tonight that all is well... in the midst of waiting on a baby, making tough decisions, having the troubles of the world at our feet, being exhausted, and the list goes on... all is well... we have one another. God is good. All the time.

I promise to not forget...

I know... the picture above doesn't look real. Just wait till I move my hands... the big watermelon will fall right to the floor. Ha. Just kidding. That is really my belly. Outrageous.

Always together. Always smiling. They must have good parents. ;)

Our family beach trip to Daytona at the beginning of May. No trips this summer... baby is coming!

And below... my three studs. I am a blessed woman!

As we near the end of this pregnancy, I am promising myself to not forget so many things... the best way to do that is to write them down.

First, I promise not to forget this pregnancy in all its glory, but mostly in all its sufferings and sacrifices. Those sacrifices are so important to me and were offered for so many very important things... things that are so close to my heart. One of the best things I have found about being Catholic actually is the redemptive suffering. There is never suffering for no reason at all. It always has a purpose. So, for all those people and circumstances in my heart... especially my family, the sweet souls entrusted to me, my friends on the verge of divorce, the fidelity of priests, those preparing for marriage and those people who are suffering chronically. These sufferings were used for you. I will not forget the terrible morning sickness, all the mornings I could not stand up in the shower, the awful headaches and vertigo, not being able to get around as quickly, the numb spot in my back, and ohhh goodness gracious... those terrible, horrible, no good restless legs, which left me awake many many nights. It was all worth it. (Let's not mention labor and delivery yet!)

Second, I don't want to forget what my life was like with just 2 little boys. I have never learned more... about how to let go, about how to create an adventure out of nothing, and about how much boys just adore their mom. I have never had more fun watching two boys at such a young age become the best of friends. I would not trade it for anything. You can see from the pictures above that they are the most beautiful (OK, handsome) little guys in the world. I love them with my very core. I spend all day and every day with them and wouldn't trade being a stay at home mom of two little boys for anything... even in the midst of the toilet water everywhere, the dirt, the wrestling, the jumping, the sword fights, the blocks, the forts, and of course, the dance parties. I have had the time of my life with two precious boys. Will there be another boy? Likely. And the testosterone will just increase and I will learn so much more... and if a girl... well, that's another story for another day, but I would gladly welcome big pink bows in my house any day!

Lastly, I will never forget the uncomplaining, selfless, every day love, support and presence of my amazing husband. I know now why so many women cut off their fertility... it's because they don't have a real man to be there with them. It is in my husband that I find the hope and joy in my day. He does everything in his power to make my life easier every day. (And I try to so hard to do the same). He has let me sleep in countless mornings, has made me breakfasts that I can get down, he has come home early to bathe the kids, get them to bed, do dishes and then head back to work. Then, not to mention him rubbing my legs through the night so I can attempt to sleep. He has managed to do a ton of research to find just about any supplement that would help any and all of my ailments I have had. He has literally worked his butt off for our family. He has been fixing our cars, and doing countless nesting jobs... even the silly ones. And in the meantime, he has taught me how to always keep disciplining our kids at the forefront and he has managed to spend much time playing hard with the boys... since this big pregnant mama can no longer wear them out. He is quite a man. I love him.

So, cheers, to this pregnancy. And may there be many more! For HIS glory if He wills.

Prayer after Communion

I didn't know who wrote this prayer until tonight, but I was curious, so I checked it out. St. Richard of Chichester wrote it. I was taught this prayer in high school by Fr. Lopez. He had us memorize the prayer and he suggested that we pray it each and every time we kneel down after receiving the Eucharist. So, from high school on, that is what I have done. I also had all of my students memorize it. And now, I even pray the prayer aloud for Gabriel to hear when we kneel down after communion...

Thanks be to thee, my Lord Jesus Christ, for all the blessings you have given to me; for all the pains and insults you have borne for me. Oh, Most Merciful Redeemer, Friend and Brother, may I know thee more clearly, love thee more dearly and follow thee more nearly. Amen. 

If only I could've started to write a book years ago on this prayer and the sentiments it brings after each reception of the Holy Eucharist. Each week the prayer has meant so many different things. Some weeks, I could just cry from sheer joy when I pray the first part, thanking Christ for the blessings in my life. There are other weeks where I can not even pray the second part without tears streaming down my face... because there are things that Christ has surely given that are very difficult and very sanctifying. And then there are weeks where I love the end, when we ask him to allow us to love him more, to follow him closer, and we call him different names... Redeemer, Friend, Brother... all three so different, but so true... especially in different moments of our faith walk.

So, I share this with you, so you can learn it. It is a powerful prayer for me and I am so grateful that this humble man from Chichester wrote it and Fr. Lopez had us learn it.

As I prayed it this past week I was overwhelmed with joy, thinking about bringing a child into the world soon. A new soul, a new little face, a new personality to just make everything in my life more full! I was also overwhelmed with exhaustion while I thanked Christ for all the pains he had granted me... pregnancy is no walk in the park. It has been a tough go this time... the vertigo, the heartburn, the back pain, the restless legs, the lack of sleep, the discomfort, the moods. All completely sanctifying. But, so hard.

What I realized recently is that we first thank Him in the prayer for the blessings and then for the pain... and in the end when we beg to love Him more, we find that it is BOTH, the blessings and the pain that allow us to love Him more. Really, for me, the perfect prayer.

this place isn't so bad...

Hey Little Peanut,

I have been thinking of you so much the past two days. Your grandparents were generous enough to take your brothers to Atlanta and I have had much time to myself... to clean, organize, and get ready for you. I have been praying for you. I have been wondering about you. And I have been overwhelmed with the emotion of joy. I get to bring you home. I get to introduce you to an amazing man, your father. I get to introduce you to the two sweetest brothers you will ever hope or wish for. And lastly, I get to hold you in my arms and tell you that, "Hey, it's me, your mom. I suffered so much for you. And you were so worth it. You're here. And I am here. And I am totally yours because God has called me to this beautiful vocation to give myself to you for love of Him." Someone asked me why I want "these kids" if there is so much suffering involved. I am at a loss of words... any person who knows the love of God would see that the joy far outweighs the tough part. I can not explain the feeling of peace, the intense joy, the excitement that a parent gets thinking about bringing another child into the world. It's an eternal soul... you, my sweet child, will always exist because of the love of our Great God. This place isn't so bad... as much as the media shows us that things are falling apart... I promise you that we will keep you safe and teach you the love of God. Our little domestic church we are building in our home is far from perfect, but we will teach you to pray, we will teach you to love your siblings,  we will have dance parties, we will have fun, we will teach you to laugh, we will eat dinner together, we will celebrate life... and I am so excited to teach you all this. God is good to allow someone else to join us on this roller coaster ride they call life. These boys I live with right now are pretty amazing. You won't be disappointed. We are going to love you a lot. I am so excited. OK, I am almost ready for you. Don't stay in there too much longer. You are getting kinda heavy. I love you.

Love,
Your Mommy

As our family grows...

 Who wouldn't want to wake up to this smiling face every morning? His goal every day is to make me laugh. It is amazing how at this age he knows how to do that. He keeps me on my toes ALL day and makes me laugh ALL day! I adore this little guy. He is so full of joy.

 And then there's my serious, intelligent, and very curious 1st child. This boy has impeccable manners and a heart that is twice the size of his body... the sweetest child I have ever met.

 Gabriel and Anthony on Easter! I must say they were looking pretty handsome.

Gabriel is standing in time out. And yes, that is Anthony standing next to him. Without me knowing it, Anthony went and hung out on the wall with his brother. He is quite faithful to Gabriel. I am sure he thought, well, you are the one in trouble, so I don't mind bringing my toy here... just be happy you have some company. I couldn't stop laughing.

 It's true. They are in the dryer. I was so focused on getting stuff separated and putting it in the washer I didn't even know they had climbed in. They started yelling, "In here!" And then you should have seen the look on Gabriel's face when Anthony figured out how to get the thing spinning. They were like little gerbils in there!

One of my favorite pictures... me and all three of my peeps squished together!

This is what I love about having them so close together. They do everything together. And want to. And love it. It makes me so happy to have given each of them a friend. They play outside together, eat together, watch movies together, build blocks, wrestle... you name it. It is really THE BEST.
(Above: playing in the mud and rain... Gabriel told me, "It's fine, we can get wet. Let's just put our hoodies on." Below: Watching a movie and eating lunch together)

The picture above was something I am so glad I caught. While I cook dinner every night, they sit together and watch one show. (I really hate the TV... but while cooking dinner, it's a must). While I was cooking I looked in to check on them and this is what I found... Anthony just laying on Gabriel's lap. So stinkin' cute. And the funniest part was Gabriel just let him.

Happy Easter from all 5 of us! Our family picture on Easter! This is the man I love. I mean, I really love him. People always ask me, how do you do it? 2 kids and pregnant. Just look at the man in this picture. He works his butt off at work and then comes home and gets to work. He does SO much for me and the boys. He is an amazing man. Truly. Having a growing family is so fun because we are on the same team... working together to raise these boys... and trying love one another as best we can, even as tired as we are.

Above: this is my BIG belly. This is what I look down and see every day. WHOA! HUGE. I know. I am already growing out of clothes that I wore the week I delivered Anthony... and I still have 8 weeks to go. I am pretty uncomfortable. But, hey, temporary pain for an eternal soul, right!? Due June 25th. C'mon, baby!

Above: My 3 precious souls. It cracks me up when the two boys are sitting on my lap and the baby starts kicking them through my belly. They laugh. And I laugh. Pretty soon there will be three of them. It's so crazy to me. I can't imagine life with three, but then again, I can not imagine what my life was like before these two boys arrived. Thank you, Jesus, for such an exciting roller coaster ride of raising our little family that is growing to be so big. We are blessed and so happy. As hard as this is, we have recognized the joy, and can not wait to see what else you have in store for us. As our family grows, we pray that you keep us close to your Sacred Heart.